Oh, the ravings of a mad man

2008-11-10T09:36:00.002+01:00

I sit here now at 9:36 AM on a Monday morning and have been awake for nearly 24 hours. I realised several things last night. Several things that both disturbed and excited me all at the same time. But one thing I know for sure: this is only the beginning, and everything as I know it has officially changed.

2008-10-24T10:42:00.002+02:00

So I'm going to write a new blog right now while I'm on the radio simply because I can. Not too much has been new with me, I'm afraid, but I'll try my best to keep you entertained, anyhow.

Do any of you truly understand how thrilling it is to be allowed to finally work in a country that is not your own after such a long, difficult struggle? Sure, it's easy to say, "Oh, I know how hard that must be," because several people have said it to me. Yet, when they get here and realise that it's much more difficult than it sounds, they're less than enthused. It's still amazing to me that I actually got it, but anyway, I'll move on before I bore you to death with that theme.

There's a friend of mine who's moved here recently and had to go to the foreign office to get work papers in order, though her struggle would be much easier than mind since she had a company willing to say she worked for them. Apparently, the foreign office has been on strike since 29 September, and well, that's not fun. We went up there at 6:30 AM to be greeted by a line all the way out the door. They weren't serving anyone, and they weren't giving out appointments; they did mention, however, that they were serving the first 25 people, but we'd never manage it because people were showing up at 3 AM and waiting until they opened at 7. Shannon, being the New Yorker that she is, decided to go at 10 PM (!!!) and wait for NINE hours to get in. I went to wait with her, and I have to tell you, I have never been so cold in my life. It was fine for the first hour or two, but since the foreign office is very, very close to the river, the temperature dropped precipitously very fast.

There was a nice cop who kept coming by every two hours to check on us and make sure we hadn't been murdered; I felt kinda bad for him, though. The first time he came by, it was only Shannon. The second time it was both of us. The third it was us and some African dude. All I could hear him thinking was that line from South Park where Cartman says, "They are increasing at a rate of seven hippies per hour. At this rate, they will take over the world in only three days."

He eventually didn't come by anymore after we started multiplying ridiculously and when they finally opened the gates, we were first in line . . . only to find out we had waited nine hours for nothing. The first 25 people being served were only students. It would have been nice if they would have, oh, I don't know, TOLD US THAT!!!!

Outside of that, my friend Erin is moving here in exactly three days. I still can't believe how fast time has passed; it seems like yesterday it was the end of June and she was telling me how she wanted to move here. Back then, the months passed by incredibly slowly, and I wondered if I would ever see the day get here. Now, as I sit admist a thousand boxes that have to go down to the basement to make room for her, it's slowly starting to sink in. And you know what, I think it's awesome. Life isn't easy, but we were never promised that, anyway. Besides, no one ever wants to read a life story about someone who had it easy.

2008-10-07T00:56:00.002+02:00

October 2nd, 2008. It was a day I thought I would never see and was beginning to still wonder it as I waited outside the door to room 328 of the Ausländerbehörde. I had been there roughly five minutes late due to several annoying goings-on that slowed me down. When I knocked on the door and went in, a very ancient looking lady glared at me accusingly and said, "Who are you?!?!?!" as if I walked in there with a gun and told her to get her hands up. I told her just who I was, to which she responded, "Well, go outside and wait! I'm not ready for you!"

I waited outside . . . and waited . . . and waited. Forty-five minutes I waited. Finally, she came outside and said, "Who are you?!?!?!" in the same condescending tone. I told her again who I was. "You're 50 minutes late!" she yelled in my face. "That's cause I've been standing outside for 45 of those minutes where you TOLD ME TO!" I yelled back. I was done taking her crap, and I just wanted to get my permit and get out of there. She gave me over to someone else who was very nice and handed me my shiny new work permit.

I still don't think it's sunk in even though I stare at it regularly. I have actually attained work rights in Germany after two long years of struggle. Two long years of running, of fearing that the next month would be my last in the country I love. But it was not to be so. Even when everyone else told me it was impossible, God said, "Just sit back and watch this . . ."

Some of you make think, "So what? It's a work permit. And you're American. They have to give you one." Well, no, they didn't. I had skills, sure, but they were in so many different areas, they looked at me as fickle. My degree is impressive, sure, but only 2 years and not in a profession that warrants the freelance visa I was requesting. I had no job offers . . . I had nothing waiting on me that guaranteed I wouldn't be a burden on their economy. There were so many different reasons besides the ones I've mentioned that they could have said no . . . but they didn't. And I don't care what you want to call it or what you think about it, it was simply one of those God things.

While I won't rant about politics and who's better than the other, I'm getting increasingly annoyed by those of you who do. I always encourage people to dig deep in their search for information for any presidential candidate. I want them to make an educated, informed decision with the ability to stand up for their decision if need be. With that said, I'm entirely sick of people with their underwear in a bunch over this. Yes, economies all over the world are in a crisis, times are tought, blah blah blah. Some want change, some want more of the same. But if I see one more anti-so and so group on facebook on either side, I think I'm gonna barf. If you think someone is a better candidate, argue the position respectably. You calling me an idiot because I'm not voting for your candidate is not going to make me change my mind. If you want to do that, you have to make a good point . . .and you thinking I'm an idiot is not making a very good one. I'm also sick of people telling me who to vote for. "Vote for so-and-so!" they scream on both sides of the spectrum. As most of you know, I'm a moderate and have been switching back and forth in undecidedness for quite some time. The reason for this is because I find BOTH candidates inadequate and severely lacking. Yet, I'm bombarded by, "Vote for *insert name here*!" Why? Because you say so? Because he wants change? Because he wants more of the same? Give me a reason! And frankly, I don't like you pushing your political opinion on me. This is getting way out of hand. The same goes by people who act so shocked and appalled by politics, yet are the regular finger pointing name callers acting like blood thirsty vampires on a feeding frenzy. Calm down! Take some tranquilizers and just chill . . . please . . . for the love of all that is holy it is no reason to have a freakout session and hold a rally just because someone is one percentage point ahead!

Outside of that, things are going better here. I've got several jobs to last me for the moment, and most of you have seen my numerous broadcasting posts. It's one of the most rewarding jobs, I think, but unfortunately the only one that doesn't pay, which is quite annoying. Party934.com is actually hosted on a couple of terrestrial stations around the New York, one in Miami I think, and the other in the Hudson valley in NY (you can check the website for more specific details.) It's great, and I love getting music out around the world (and me having my voice heard isn't that bad, either.)

I'm also finally close to finishing the book . . . the final version. After more re-writes than I can count, it's finally getting where I want it. The finally page count I'm estimating somewhere around 350 pages, and that's just book one. Yes, it's a mutha of a book. I can't wait for all of you to read it!

I'm sure there's more I wanted to say here, but frankly, I'm quite bored and have the pressing urge to finish this book. Quite sleepy, too . . .

2008-09-12T23:26:00.003+02:00

It took 2 years, but it was well worth the wait . . .

I've had a very long time to be paranoid, worried, sick, and just about everything else under the sun. Virtually ever since I arrived in Germany, my status here has been under severe questioning. I've almost been kicked out, been put under intense scrutiny, and had a 5 month waiting period on a permit that should have only taken two weeks. The thing that plagued me most during these two years has been, you guessed it, worry. Of course, it changes nothing, but that doesn't stop one from doing it. I knew God was going to take care of it, as he had miraculously done countless times. I virtually had nothing of worth to offer the government, and they were under no requirements to allow me to stay there, much less give me the work rights I so desperately desired. But the longer time went on, the more worried I got. What was taking them so long and what were they doing? I began to imagine them contacting the CIA about me and other various things. They wouldn't find anything because there's nothing there to find, but I thought maybe the CIA would answer with, "Well, her credit in the States is a little less than average," and that would be all the worker would need to hear before slamming a giant stamp down on my paper with a foreboding thud as it read "DENIED". Yes, of course that sounds stupid, but you try waiting two years for work rights and see what thoughts start swimming around in your head.

I went to the government yesterday and waited in line for two hours. The line wasn't that long, but things seemed to be moving slower than normal. The last time I had been there was a month ago where a case worker had angrily assured me, "I'm going to deal with this myself! You've been waiting so long, and it's ridiculous to make someone wait like this; it's unacceptable!" I readily agreed, and he assured me that I would have my answer back in two weeks. I waited two weeks without a word and then began calling their offices (as I didn't want to go wait in line for 2 -3, though sometimes as long as 5, hours.) but no one picked up. For two weeks. And I assure you, I called quite often. So, yesterday, I decided I would go down there before my job interview at a cafe near a friend's house. The woman told me my files weren't back yet and told me to, you guessed it, wait. I waited some more while they tried to figure out just what was taking so long. Well, apparently, my files got lost in transition somehow and no one could find them, at which point the woman took down my e-mail address and said she would e-mail me tomorrow morning after trying to locate them. Apparently, she must have been successful because they were transferred to another Berlin office to undergo a final examination. Most people wouldn't be worried by this, but I began to be afraid that they would scrutinize everything and find things that weren't there . . . I just knew I was going to get some e-mail that began with "Leider . . ." (which means "unfortunately" for those of you readers who are non-German speakers. It's usually the first word in a typical German rejection letter.)

I rarely try to use the phrase "it was like I heard this voice in my head saying . . . " because that makes me sound, well, crazy. So let me try to rephrase . . . I got a feeling in my heart that God was saying, "Don't worry about it. Just sit back and watch this . . . you've been waiting for two years, and it's time for me to do my thing." I went to my phone and checked to see if I had any messages, and there was one from the Senatsverwaltung, the people who now had my life in their hands, so to speak. They said they wanted to talk to me and ask me a couple of questions, and fear gripped me all over again. "They're going to arrest me and beat me for something!" my mind screamed, but still, I called them back.

"I just wanted to know if the people who were interested in you when you sent this to us still want to work with you?" The lady asked me into the phone.

"Yes," I timidly responded. "Most of them. Some of them said they couldn't wait any longer."

"Okay, well, I have about 400 different jobs here that you're apparently qualified to do, so . . . "

"Yes, I just wanted to show that people were interested in me because I really, REALLY want you to say yes because I love Berlin, and I want to live here until I die," I sniffed, as if it would really make a difference one way or the other.

"That's very sweet, and you don't have to worry about it. Can you tell me what all you'll be doing so I can write it down in the allowance?"

So I told her, and she responded, "Great. Well, we're going to approve this and send it back to the Foreign Office. You should have it by Monday, okay?"

It took a few minutes for it to actually register what she had said. It was approved. As in, the opposite of denied. The biggest feeling of relief rushed over me, and I very nearly cried from sheer joy. For two long years I have fought with everything I had in me and was so utterly broken it was pitiful. I had people all over the world praying, begging for this. The world said it was impossible, that I had nothing to offer. God said those were the conditions He works best in. So here I am with nothing to offer, yet approved nonetheless.

There were other things I wanted to say in this blog, various rants about other things, but right now I think it's best to let it be, to enjoy the fruits of the labor, and to be still.

"Surely there is a future and your hope will not be cut off." - Proverbs 23:18

2008-09-07T17:09:00.005+02:00

How to Tell if You're Completely Paranoid:

If you visit the above link, yahoo.com will inform you how to tell if your guy is cheating. Now, I'm sure this is true for a few guys out there, but I think this will ultimately end up causing more trouble than good. Just from reading number one, I knew it was going to be a bumpy ride. And, of course, it appears to be written by a woman with a "we must share everything or you are a bad man" attitude. Let me tell you all the ways this is full of crap:

1. He's superprotective of his gadgets. "The main way that trysts are found out is through the discovery of incriminating e-mails, IM chats, cell phone texts or bills," says Belisa Vranich, PsyD, a clinical psychologist in New York City. So if he's being unfaithful, he may guard his gadgets or act really defensive when you innocently touch his phone or computer. It should be a giant red flag if he readily gave you passwords in the past, and now he's more evasive.

When I read this, my first thought was, "If someone touches my computer or phone, they're gonna die." and it's true. I'm not cheating on anyone; it's just, to me, a sign of mistrust and utter annoyance if I catch you blatantly looking through my phone or computer (which has happened before). There won't be anything there because if I was cheating, I would be smart enough to erase everything right afterwards. Shouldn't there be a curtain of privacy somewhere? I mean, I love my significant other to death and would never hide anything from him, but my phone is off limits. There is absolutely no reason for you to pick up my phone and go through it because it just signifies that you don't trust me . . . which is utterly annoying and will probably lead to you getting the phone thrown at your head. Or maybe I'm just abnormal?

2. He steps up the grooming. This is so obvious, but it's a sign many women miss: "If your man starts grooming more without you requesting it, that could be an indication that he's getting intimate with someone else," says Vranich. You can actually thank modern mass media for this tipoff. Guys today are used to viewing manscaped dudes onscreen, so if he has another chick to impress with his appearance, he may emulate those ultra-trimmed guys. Another clue: He's spending more time at the gym.

So, let me get this straight: A man can't decide that he wants to better himself without you nagging at him without cheating? He can't go to the gym to get in shape without cheating? He can't decide he's a pathetic slob and decide to change without cheating? Are you seriously kidding me?

3. He smells different. "When he comes home, if he doesn't smell the same as he did in the morning, and it isn't the scent of soap in the gym or at your home, it may be because he's showered at her place," offers Vranich. So pay attention, because in this case, that old saying "the nose knows" might very well be true.

This is one of the rare ones that's true . . . and it's so obvious I'm filing it under D for DUH.

4. Nothing fazes him anymore. "If he was short-tempered before, a combination of added intimacy and attention could be making him way more relaxed, even downright giddy," Vranich says. Adds Mira Kirshenbaum, author of "When Good People Have Affairs: Inside the Hearts and Minds of People in Two Relationships": "If your guy is suddenly going around all happy and whistling, then you need to find out why."

Or maybe he was just having problems at work that have now been taken care of. Maybe he just got a promotion, finished a big project, got a new car . . . or . . . or . . . maybe YOU decided to stop being a fat slob and go to the gym and he's happy over your new found hygiene improvement. Maybe that means you're cheating on each other . . .

5. He becomes suspicious of you. "If he's normally a mellow type, all of a sudden he may want to know where you are all the time and with whom," says Vranich. "It's the result of him realizing that if he's cheating and it's not that hard, you might also be getting away with it." Also, beware of extremely detailed responses to even your most innocent "How was work today?" queries. He may be preparing epic answers because he's terrified of getting caught.

Either that or he is just a detailed person. Or maybe he suspects you of cheating on him and that's why he's so suspicious of you. Is that not possible?

Now before a thousand feminists jump down my throat and I have to fend for my life, I will say that some of these signs can mean this . . . but these are also signs of obvious behaviour that can change for completely normal reasons. Articles like this serve to make people more paranoid, and I say this that some people, like me, would click on the article out of boredom, but most others will click on it either because they already suspect someone of cheating or because they want to know how to spot it if it happens. You're going to start picking up on things that were probably already there and not realise it. For instance, let's say your significant other pays a large amount of attention to detail, but you don't give it a second thought. You read this, ask how their day was, and they tell you in large detail. "YOU'RE HAVING AN AFFAIR?!?!" your mind starts to scream when, in fact, you just didn't notice that they were already like that. I've seen things like this destroy relationships, and the person's reason for cutting off the relationship was, "I read this thing online that says you're cheating if you do this, so you must be!"

Unfortunately not. I'll tell you how it really works; if you really suspect someone of cheating, ask them. If they say no and you have reason to believe otherwise, well, don't snoop around in front of their face! That has to be the most asinine thing you can do; it just serves as a warning to them that you're checking up on them. Idiot.

And a lot of things vary from person to person. I'm no relationship expert, but I know body language. But some people are wired differently, and you know what, the best thing to do is just trust that it's not true until you know otherwise. And if it is true, react accordingly. You will never find a set "cheaters rule book" that applies to everyone. Even in the case of coming home smelling like perfume/cologne. Yeah, sure, 90% of the time this means that someone is cheating. But I really don't enjoy fighting for my life with someone and the close contact makes me smell like them, only to have my significant other accuse me of cheating. It's annoying. Please, people. If you can't trust them, don't date them. End of story.

That is all . . .

2008-09-03T15:28:00.003+02:00

There's a song back in the day with lyrics such as "Nobody knows the trouble I've seen." And while millions of people all over the world think this truly applies to them, I realise that there are plenty of people who have it much, much worse than me, but we all have a day where we just want to complain. For me, that day is today.

If you've been reading my other blogs, and somehow I doubt you have, you'll know that I've been having a somewhat severe problem with my toilet. Every weekend (and the occasional Wednesday) the toilet gets some sort of severe hangover or becomes demon possessed or what have you and will vomit soap bubbles violently out of the bowl. These aren't squeaky clean soap bubbles as you might imagine, they're dirty, filled with crap (literally), and smells like the worst stench of sewage you can possibly imagine. After it doing that approximately 9 - 10 times, the people that own the apartment complex have finally sprung to have the whole toilet refitted, the drain re-routed, and what have you to alleviate my problems. They had left a message on my voicemail telling me they had an appointment open on the 3rd of September but didn't leave the time. I called them back and it just went to voicemail, so I told them that the 3rd would be fine and to call me back with the time. They never did, but I was expecting them as early as 9 AM, since that's generally when most businesses open. Wrong. At 7:30 AM, I was rudely awakened by the buzzing of the door and phone calls that simply would not stop. True to form (and some of you that have awakened me will attest to this), I was VERY cranky and asked them just what they thought they were doing at my house at such an ungodly hour. Being typical Germans (which is one of the things I love about them), they replied they were here to fix my toilet and pushed past me.

Now, as I'm sure 99.9% of the population has to do, when I woke up, I generally had to go to the bathroom. But now there were Germans digging up my toilet and pipes, so that idea was out. I was deathly tired after working 'til 4 AM and then not managing to get to sleep until 5. All I wanted to do (besides go to the bathroom, but that was out), was go to sleep. I shut my eyes and tried to sink back into a deep sleep, but soon the loud noise of some machine boring out my floor brought me back to the present.

I had nothing else to do, so I started working on my book. I got quite a bit done; however, there's only so much you can write when you're exhausted. About 12:30, the people who owe me over 800 euros called and said they can't pay the bill until I give them a tax number, which the government hasn't given me. I don't really know what to say to that, except that really, really annoys me. I tried to call the government right after that for the next 3 hours because I need to know exactly what is up with my work permit and when I can get a tax number. Of course, no one will answer the phone who knows about my case; those whom I could get to answer, knew nothing about it and couldn't tell me anything else. Now I sit here wondering what next: the same seems to never change. Where is my work permit and where is my money . . . the same two things play over and over again in my head like a sick joke.

The clock on the wall that was very difficult to get there was ripped out by the lovely toilet fixers for no apparent reason. I imagine it was slightly in their way, but you would think they would at least have asked me before putting two giant holes in my wall that will probably prevent me from successfully getting the clock back into it.

So, to make a long story short, towday has been quite annoying. I couldn't get to the bank to get my money back from other people who owe me money due to having to wait on those people to get out of my house. At least I finally got to use the bathroom AFTER 9 HOURS. Now, let's hope the toilet has sworn off the alcohol and demon possession. It would have also been nice if they would have put everything back like they found it. A giant (not to mention heavy) cabinet is not easily moved back by one person.

*sigh* Such is life.

2008-08-27T16:20:00.002+02:00

I miss all the late, great shows of the 90s. There was The Pretender, The Profiler, Boy Meets World, Full House was good on occasion, and, best of all, Family Matters. Back when TGIF meant more than just elation from being out of school for a whole two days: it also meant that you could sit in front of the telly from about 3:30 - 11 PM and enjoy the longest stretch of good TV you'd ever seen in your life. I have to say, though, that out of all the so-called "Family Shows", my favourite by far was definitely "Family Matters", which, for some reason, has yet to see a DVD re-release, which makes me incredibly sad. It did have a recurring event, though, that was shared by almost every other "family show" out there. At pivotal moments in the show, usually towards the end, the family bonds would be strengthened through meaningful, life-inspired conversations. The conversations itself weren't the bad part, it was the bland string/piano music that floated into the background. I remember hating that even as a child. The music seemed to say, "We want you to reflect on this moment. Look at what a strong, loving family we are. Now, sit back and say, 'Awwwww.'" I didn't see these moments as anything that warranted music wafting into my ears. But it could be just me, as I also didn't enjoy either the sound of a laugh track or the audience laughing along at moments that were supposed to be funny. Even if it was, it was as if the sound was telling me, "This is funny! Laugh." and then glared at me accordingly. But I digress . . .

I've decided to go back and get my Baccalaureate. All online courses, of course, as I don't really have time to do it otherwise, and I have to say, just looking at all the CRMJ courses makes my mouth water. I can't wait to re-immerse myself in the world of Criminal Justice! Maybe then I'lll actually feel like I have a purpose in life instead of just existing. Oh, yes.

Outside of that, not much else is going on in my life, unfortunately. I wish I had more to say, but frankly, my life at this point is just not that interesting. I look forward to the day I can actually have something decent to say besides rambling on and on while simultaneously watching television and getting increasingly distracted. C'est la vie . . .

2008-08-24T11:08:00.002+02:00

My blogging today is preceded by a long, customary sigh. Why I feel the need in particular to do this, I don't know, but it feels good, so I do.

Last night I was determined I was going to get up on time for Church today. The problem is, the church I generally consider myself a member of is a good one, but it's an hour's train ride away and, for someone who isn't a morning person, making the effort is quite difficult. But still, I just need to suck it up and do it. I went ahead and took a shower the night before so I'd get out of the way, but as I tried to blow out the tea lights lighting the living room, the glass covering them was so hot, I couldn't remove it. I considered just going to bed anyway, but I started having this morbid fear of the walls catching fire and burning me to death whilst I slept. So, there I sat . . . waiting . . . waiting . . . and waiting some more. I went back in the bathroom to get something and noticed a large trail of blood on the floor. Confused and knowing it couldn't be mine, I turned all the lights on, only to see the trail go all the way to where I'd been sitting on the couch and creating a very large stain on the rug. I looked all around thinking I must be dying or something, to find two cuts on my foot. One on the underside of my big toe, the other on the top of the toe next to it. Where they came from, I have no idea because I didn't hit it on anything, and I didn't even feel it oozing all the blood that it did. By the time I cleaned all that up, it was nearing 2 A.M., so I just took my chance with the lights and went on to bed, having very weird dreams involving college plays and very large bathrooms.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately as I try and get more work. Things that you know are in the works, that are going to happen, but you don't know how. But, as I realised, "how" isn't really important, is it? I mean, if you know it's going to happen . . . just so long as it does, how it takes shape and plays out takes the back burner to everything else. You'll know when you're supposed to know. Yeah, I know that doesn't sound too deep, but it makes me feel better . . .

I also wish people would stop inviting themselves over to my house to live with me. I'm not counting Erin, because I want her here and I offered her the place so that's entirely different. I'm talking about others who just say, "You know what, my life here is bad, so I'm going to come to Germany and live with you?" I tried to just ignore them and change the subject until I realised they were completely serious and taking the necessary steps to do such a thing. Even after I informed them that they can't stay here, they continue to talk as if they can. Unfortunately, they know my address. Which means, when and if they manage to find my house, I will refuse to open the door. They'll probably camp outside the front door, but you know what, I'll just always go out the back.

2008-08-19T17:14:00.002+02:00

Hello again, and welcome to another episode of Heather's toilet has exploded with soap bubbles and no one apparently gives a crap. Oh, well, such is life, I suppose. But you know what? I'm tired of blogging about that, so, you know what? I won't. There.

I was contacted about 8:30 Friday night by a woman from a very prestigious translation agency who shocked me by telling me they would pay me one Euro a LINE if I could do an emergency translation of a 19 page document to be finished by Monday. She sent me the document to take a look at, at which point I realise a very severe problem: it's a law document on corporate taxation and amendments. To top it off, it's all written in Hochdeutsch. For those of you who don't know, Hochdeutsch literally means "high German" and is basically what it says. Fancy words so normal people don't understand. It'd be the same for people who try to do their own taxes and read about taxes with an IQ of about 90. Yes . . . hochdeutsch is very hard. I could understand the general gist of the document, but gists aren't good enough. It had to be right, and it had to sound just as official in English. While the latter part wasn't a problem, it wasn't written in English to begin with, so that, in effect, made it even more difficult. You know what . . . I'm going to give you an example of Hochdeutsch in English so I don't have to keep attempting to explain this. Here you go:

According to sec. 8 UmwG, a necessary detailed merger report of both companies must contain, among other things, information about the exchange ratio (sec. 122e UmwG). Futhermore, the severance offer (sec. 122i UmwG) for shareholders objecting to the merger decision must be outlined (sec. 122e clause 1 UmwG). In the case of a 100% subsidiary, this can subsequently be waived. The report further clarifies the repercussions of employees and creditors among other shareholders (sec. 122e clause 1 UmwG). It must be submitted at the one month before the assemblance of stockholders at the latest.

Unlike with interstate mergers (sec. 8 par. 3 UmwG), the merger report cannot be waived (sec. 122e clause 3 UmwG). Whether there is a possible exception to this if the corporation has no employees is controversial (Semler/Stengel, UmwG, 2nd Edition, sec. 122e par. 13). Therefore, we cannot recommend a waiver.

Because I'm lazy, that is my own translation from the actual document because I didn't feel like looking up actual tax laws. So yes, it was difficult. I estimated that I would go VERY slowly as I know German, but words such as "subsidiary" "interstate mergers" etc. did not occur to me as necessary words in my vocabulary and put the translation time at roughly 48 hours (meaning virtually staying up that long as I only had 3 days). I was close. The actual translation time took 45 hours, which, for those of you who are about to do the math, means that I translated at a rate of roughly 2 1/2 hours per page. Yes, that's exactly what I said. Don't laugh . . . it wasn't easy nor could you have done any better, I'm sure. The actual translation time took less than that. Everything was translated into English by about 10 PM Sunday evening, but it was translated into horrible English. I had been up so long and working on it so hard, everything was starting to blur into one and translation was becoming so difficult after sitting and working on it 22 hours, I just started translating words and leaving the sentences in German format, i.e. "For this subidiaries for a waiver can we recommend not." Which means that, by the time I started over and attempted to make everything make sense after 30 some odd hours with no sleep . . . none of it made sense. Now after a good night's sleep, I could re-format the sentence with ease, but then, it might've well have been written in Chinese. But it was good money, and there was potential for me to work with this company again so I had to finish, and I had to do it right. I wanted to break down and start crying. I feared I wouldn't finish, and I was so exhausted I kept translating it so horribly it didn't make any sense, even to people who had had sleep. My mom rounded up all her friends and had them pray for me constantly, and I'm sure that was the only thing that got me through. It got to the point that I went into a trance, and I honestly couldn't tell you what I said or if it even made sense. And when I say I went into a trance, I mean that quite literally. The last page I remember being on was 11 . . . next thing I know, at 3:14 PM, I was done. I saved the document and realised I had 46 minutes to check and make sure everything made sense. Well, the program froze and refused to reopen. I tried everything, but it wouldn't work. Finally, there was no time left, and I had to cross my fingers that it didn't suck and sent it in. I was so sure it was horrible that I turned my phone off, refused to check my email, and hid out of fear that they were going to say, "WHAT IS THIS?!?!" and wish they'd never asked me to do it. I even had nightmares about it when I finally did get to sleep. In the dream, they would call me and tell me it was so horrible they had to have someone re-translate it and therefore were only going to pay me half the amount we had originally agreed on, and I was devastated. I finally mustered up the strength today to actually read what I had written, and to my obvious surprise, it was good! I think God just decided to write it Himself so I wouldn't screw it up. As a read everything, the pages I feared were a pile of mush were coherent and compiled just as they were supposed to be, with the jargon adding up to one complete process. I've slept 15 hours today in an effort to catch up from sleep I missed, and I'm still exhausted. Doing anything seems to require more energy than I have, and today has been promptly wasted, but I don't care. God came through for me, and that's all that matters.

I picked up the concert tickets yesterday for Oomph, and immediately went giddy with excitement upon receiving them. The woman clearly thought something was wrong with my mental condition, but you know what, after translating that document for 45 hours, something probably was. I went into the Alexanderplatz station and tried to get everything I needed there so I wouldn't have to change trains so often to go home. I went in a drug store and asked the woman if they sold needles and syringes (as some idiot has had the bright idea that they should only be sold separately in Germany making me constantly fearful that I'm going to die from an air bubble somehow). She said yes, but only in packs of 100. I started to tell her to forget it, because every time I went to the drug stores on Schönhauser Allee, they would charge me 5 euro for 10 syringes and another 5 for the same amount of needles. I didn't really feel like spending 100 euros for that, but I asked anyway how much they cost, and she said "10.50 all together." I suddenly felt violently cheated by the drug stores on Schönhauser Allee. Needless to say, I bought everything from this lady with glee and now have enough needles/syringes to last me for quite some time. Good things to my face. . .

Speaking of good things: I went to Kaufhof to celebrate. And by celebrate, I mean buy things I really don't need . . . like 7 euros worth of chocolate almonds. As I tried to figure out what I wanted for dinner, I passed the greatest thing I'd seen in quite some time: an American food section. Now, there's not much I miss about American food, but every now and then, I wants me some edible, processed crap with virtually no nutritional value whatsoever. As I scanned the contents, I saw the greatest thing in the world. I had been looking for cookie mix for weeks without success, and when I spotted Betty Crocker cookie mix, I squealed with glee. Sure, it was 6 euros, and I know you can get it in the States for probably 2, but I don't care because you can't find that here. I held the box close to my chest as if I was afraid someone was going to mug me of my treasure and kept looking at the wonderfulness of the American food. I also picked up a box of Easy Mac and then spotted Newman's Salad dressing. I determined to myself that, "Should I find Ranch dressing, I am going to scream. Have a heart attack. Die."

For those of you who are in the US, finding Ranch dressing isn't that big of a deal. For me, it most certainly is. I haven't had it in 2 years, and the closest thing one can come to in Germany is some random yoghurty dressing that tastes like barf on a stick. I spotted some and squealed in excitement . . . obviously didn't have a heart attack and die, though. The woman I pushed over to get the bottle thought I was crazy, but that's no different than usual, so I don't care. All in all, I ended up spending about 40 euro on about 5 things . . . fun, imported things to my face.

And you know what . . . I think I shall celebrate by going back to bed. Oh, yes.

2008-08-10T14:11:00.002+02:00

Let me first say that I think it would be awesome if I got paid for blogging. Oh wait, I do in the sports realm. I just haven't done it in a while. I also wish this headache and nausea I've had for over a week would go away. And please, don't ask me if I'm pregnant, or I will have to hurt you.

There a couple of disturbing things I've noticed as of late. The main one being that, I'm sure every woman dreams of her future children at some point, whether she wants them or not (the latter being my case). So I was talking to a friend of mine the other day and she made the statement: "Have you ever noticed your son looks a whole lot like Richard?"

Now for those of you who don't know, Richard is like my dad, but not biologically. He is, however, incredibly hot and incredibly dad-like to me, and I love the father-daughter relationship we have. So, of course I make the statement that maybe he just like his grandfather, only to come to the realisation that we're not biologically related. Erin then makes the statement, "Hey! Maybe you'll marry Richard instead!!" . . . That sound you hear is me screaming "NO!"

I've also been listening to the new Oomph song "Beim Ersten Mal Tut's Immer Weh" (It Always Hurts the First Time) on repeat because it's such an amazing song. In the beginning, though, there's a creepy guy asking this girl on Skype how old she is, and she says she's 15. His response? "Das gefällt mir" So whenever I see the beginning (which isn't often because I don't really watch the video) and it gets to that part, I just hear my old boss with a lisp that Dan and I used to make fun of saying, "DATH GEFÄLLT MIR!" Which, of course, is then followed by "DATH GEFÄLLT MIR THO GUT!!" Oh, yeah . . .

I've been thinking a lot lately about the future and how good it's going to be. When I read back in my old blogs, and I just kept saying, "I know I'm supposed to be in Berlin, I just don't know how or when." There were so many days when it felt so far away, like I would just never get there. And then, when it finally happened, I think I spent the first year in shock. It wasn't until the second year that everything really started to pick up. I've spent so much time lately saying, "I always knew I was supposed to be in Berlin, but I still don't know why nearly 10 years later." That was when several friends took me aside and were like, "Heather, you know why. Stop pretending that isn't an issue." So I guess I really do know, I was just afraid that being here on a purpose for people instead of career was an avenue I didn't really want to follow. Now I see that it's one I must, which is a pretty terrifying thought. There are still many things I don't know, but I do know one thing: God has made it painfully clear on multiple occasions that this is where I'm supposed to be. But everyday I wonder why he keeps giving me chances because I keep messing it up. Then, I hear the gentle voice saying, "Until you get it right. Just do it again." I'm hoping I get it right one day soon because it's driving me crazy.

There are things shaping up for change, but change in a very wonderful way, and I find myself more often than not caught up in the thought of them and smiling. Of course, when they start happening, you'll be the first to hear of them, but for now they remain silent. The first one should be happening in a couple of months, and I, for one, cannot wait.

I've also discovered I have a lot more of my biological father's thought processes that I originally thought and that is very disturbing. They're not things I act on, but it doesn't change the fact that they're there. It's weird because my father and mother are such opposites, and I do have some of her ideals and whatnot, too, so I've always got this clash going on for dominance, plus another personality that's a mixture of the two, which is a lot of the problem in why I keep messing things up. Now I'm making myself sound psycho . . . and I'm sure Freud would tell me this all stems from the fact I wish I had a penis. I'm sure I would if I were a guy, but barring that little detail . . .

On a less serious note, could someone explain to me why Germany has not had the brilliant idea of plexiglass poster frames? Any glass frame above 50x70 is going to have a high tendency to break . . . as I have found out. This makes thirty euro I've spent on two frames because I think just putting posters up looks tacky and like a college dorm. I bought this beautiful poster of Castle Neuschwanstein in the winter at sunset (or sunrise, whichever) and wanted to put it in a frame and hang it over the bed as it goes perfectly with the "sunset lounge" theme. Well, I got everything put together and was very careful with it as the last one broke and . . . this one snapped in half. Cheap glass!!!! Cheap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway, I spent so long ranting and raving about it, my mother ordered me to get another one and she would pay shipping because that alone was 11 euro. It's going to take 6-10 work days before they even SEND it, which means I probably won't get it until the end of August. *sigh* I'm starting to wonder if the sunset lounge will EVER be finished.

I really need another hobby besides working on my house as I'm starting to have nightmares about it. I dreamed the other day that my house burnt down, and I had to start all over. Several people offered to help me, and I was so grateful until I realised that they were redoing everything in hot pink! And they were decorating all the walls in this white wallpaper with hot pink hearts all over the place. I was not impressed.

I suppose I'm out of things to say, but I will add that I rather enjoy spewing out my thoughts for all to read, even though they're generally not coherent in any way. If anyone still reads this, I feel for you.

2008-08-08T16:06:00.002+02:00

I still haven't figured out how to make titles for my blog . . . I suppose this means I'm finally getting older in this world. I remember the days of old, when I used to laugh at my teachers who couldn't read my letters to friends because they were written in shiny, bright orange gel pen. We called them old biddies and laughed at their inability to read something so amazingly clear to us.

I think the orange glaze burned out my eyes. When I was back in the States on vacation, I found said letters and tried to read them. Within 2 seconds it was painfully clear that it was going to be quite a difficult task to undertake, and I threw the letters to the side with a hearty "screw this!" Yes, I have arrived. I don't know what the letters said, but I feel certain they weren't very important, judging from the ones I did find not written in colours of the sun.

I also used to be able to put anything together without instructions. The other day I put together a tiny waterfall that involved only 3 pieces. The base, the top, and the cord. Easy, no? I then spent two days wondering what idiot designed it that the cord was coming out of the front. "Don't they know no one wants to see the cord in front?" I pondered to no one in particular. "Even a child could see it belongs in the back!" I continued to think about this while talking with my friend Erin two days later and came to a very shocking realisation: I had put the whole thing together backwards. My only question: HOW?! It only had THREE PIECES, and somehow I put it together BACKWARDS. Yes, it was disturbing.

I spent most of this morning doing entirely unproductive things like reading my old blog entries. Some of them were amusing; most, however, were not and made me really glad I don't act so stupid anymore. At least, not that I'm aware of. Now that I think about it, I thought the same thing about myself back then as I do now . . . hmm . . . this warrants looking in to.

Book 1 is closer to becoming finalised, but I'm unfortunately experiencing a rather severe case of writer's block. Well, it's not writer's block per se, I can still write things, they just suck hard. So, for the moment, it's sitting to the side until I have another continuing dream or come up with better ideas. I just want it to be something to rock people's faces off and not run dry towards the end. I know I, for one, feel cheated when books do that. Only time will tell . . .

2008-08-04T15:43:00.002+02:00

My toilet had a hangover again on Saturday. I had enjoyed three weeks of silence and was enjoying a very tasty cup of pudding on the couch in the bedroom when I heard it:

Blerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

My first thought was, "No, it couldn't be . . . " and then, "SOMEONE IS GOING TO DIE!" as I ran into the bathroom and discovered that soap bubbles with flecks of gunk were invading my bathroom floor. At least before I had been blessed with the smell of cleanliness, even if it did come from the toilet. This time it smelled like raw sewage and immediately made me want to throw up. This problem is obviously coming from someone's pipes upstairs, as I hear a noise like water coming down the pipes, and then bam . . . party bubbles for the bathroom. Besides the obvious "why me?", my first thought was, "Why can't it do this from 9 - 5 on a Monday - Friday?" After those hours and on weekends, the hotline for calling and yelling at the people who fix everything is only for emergencies. The toilet has vomited soap bubbles everywhere six times to date. Five of those times at random hours of the night or weekend, so when I call, all I get is: "Does the toilet still work?" "Yes" "Then call us on Monday." Of course by Monday its violent hangover has stopped and all is well again in Loo-Loo Land. As my father would say: "If it ain't one thang, it's anuther."

My slats for the bed finally came. I'm not sure if I posted about this before, but I finally got the new, wonderful bed put together (all by myself, I might add. No thanks to certain others.) The giant mattress that I've had for about a month now as it waited on the bed went on, and I leapt onto it in ecstasy . . . and fell straight through. Apparently Kaltschaum mattresses and no slats don't go well together. I had to order the slats and that took 10 days 'til forever, but finally, FINALLY all is on and well in the land of Heather. Every time I lay on my bed that will now fit three people comfortably, I roll around on it and giggle like a little school girl on crack.

The painting of the room wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, it only took 3 coats (2 of white, 1 one of peach.) and to top it all off, I didn't screw it up! Take that everyone who told me I needed a professional painter! Besides, as bad as it looked before, I'm sure they would have charged me an arm, leg, and part of a first-born. I also installed all the carpet myself, which, if I had known then how big of a job it was going to be, I really wouldn't have done it myself. When it was delivered, the guy brings in this carpet FOUR METRES WIDE and asks where he should put it. There wasn't space for anything four metres wide, so I told him just to put it straight through into the bedroom. He did, and it hung out into the hallway. "No problem,"I thought. "I'll just unroll it, set it down, and cut it. Simple." Not! Three and a half hours later, I was sitting in the middle of a pile of carpet going, "Lord, I can't do this." But, thankfully, God helped me out with it and it took an entire day, but I got that sucka down and didn't do a bad job of it.

Now I'm in the process of getting picture frames and finalizing what i have affectionately named "The Sunset Lounge." It's very elegant, I must say. Every room in the house now has a theme, with the living room being "Gothic Romance." Though its transformation is nowhere near complete. At least most of the disgusting brown is gone from the house, and that pleases me.

2008-07-15T22:50:00.002+02:00

It's been 3 years since my last post on this blog. I would say it seems like just yesterday, but no, 3 years seems about right. Hopefully I'll be able to update this regularly, but don't count on it. Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes . . .

I'm scared of my toilet. Four times over the weekend it has vomited soap bubbles uncontrollably like a college student with a bad hangover. I called ALBA about it, but somehow they just thought it was my fault.

"What are you doing to it before it, as you put it, farts soap bubbles?" the woman on the other line asked me.

"Nothing!" I screamed back, knee deep in toilet suds.

"Well, if it still flushes it isn't an emergency. You'll have to call us back on Monday."

"It's 2 A.M. on a Saturday morning, my toilet has a hangover, and you want me to call back on Monday?!"

"Yes *click*"

I was not amused. It was someone from upstairs, I know it. I heard water coming through the pipes as they flushes the toilet, used the dishwasher, or whatever it was they were doing, then all of a sudden, bam: party at my house. Now all I need is some laser lights and a bunch of potheads. This, my friends, is German efficiency at its worst.

2005-08-05T10:11:00.000+02:00

You know, I'm really getting tired of replacing bras. I suppose though if I were smart I would put them in a place where he couldn't reach....oh wait....I already did that. Where do you put something out of reach of a dog your height? Oh well, I digress...

My studying for the CLEP test is progressing right along as scheduled. I love being smart. I'm also getting the hang of this Logistics officer stuff. The only bad thing is being out in the 102 degree heat carrying desks, filing cabinets, and other office furniture up to the 2nd story of a fire station. I was not amused.

Since I have nothing better to do...I'm going to add the 5,000 funny friend quotes I've been saving up because anything else I say will just be mushy I'm sure. I hate mushy moods. I'm going to set them on fire.

There's swastika babies outside my apartment!!-Erin

"Sup yo?"-Lori
"girl you know I just be sittin' here in my hizzy burnt up like a red lobster on crack, yo"-me

So let me get this straight...the earth was created by space farts? -Erin

"Hey Lance, if I throw up on your shoes would you be mad?"-Me
"I think I would be bitter, yes"-Lance

"boobs and a penis on the same body don't bode well for society"-Me
"tell that to fat men"-Ryan

Crash 2oo: Im going to go snorkling after work today
Daz2H: oooOOOOooo....you lucky....
Crash 2oo: then run like 4 miles back to camp
Daz2H: ...ok I take it back

Suzan says:
but why would they go to US if no tour?
Suzan says:
what they are going to go to radio stations and chat?
Suzan says:
go on Oprah
Heather says:
Christoph: zo.....opwah....as you can see.....I was vewy distwessed at zis time....zis woman.....I don't know why but....I go here...she go zer.......I tell her no byebye, she stay....SHE NO LEAVE! and....and....my heazah......she had to go back....to....to zis....PLACE! *looks at camera* I LOVE YOU HEAZAH!!!!! CALL ME *being carried away by security*"

"Where you go Heazah?!?!"--Erin and Suzan

"Are you demon earwax?"-395723 different people
"For the last time it's DAEMON....ERWACHEN!!!!!"-Me

"I smell oil. Wait no, I know what it is. It's the Fire Dept.! Welllll that solves THAT!"-Me

"I wish we had some rice to throw on them"-Lana
"How about paperclips?"-Bull

Suzan says:
mummy... i am Aidan...Aidan Doom.. 007

Suzan says:
well .. i know about outfit changes... when I went to see him, he had changed his clothes for meeeee
Heather says:
strategically placed leaves do not count as clothes, suzan!!!!

"So...I was looking in the mirror yesterday and I thought 'wow I'm hot'"-Me

"So don't spill the coffee"-Mike
"Beans!!!!"-Audience
"beans...yeah.....whatever"-Mike

"Heather....you my ho...."-Bianca
"And B, you my rake fo' life."-Me

"I think I like you *hiccup* Infinity bottles of beer on the wall! take one down pass it around INFINITY BOTTLES OF BEEEEEERRRRR"-Ryan

"I don't want to sleep with you, I just want to look at you, is that ok?" -Julie
I would add......"EVEN FROM OUTSIDE THE WINDOWS::::NO PROBLEMS::::" -Deb

"Are you kidding?! I bet he gets dressed up to go to the ER"-TB

"You know I tried to call you yesterday, but SOMEONE.....I'm not going to name any names......JUST POINT MY ELBOW IN HER GENERAL DIRECTION......*juts elbow out towards me* wouldn't answer the phone!!"-Bianca

Suzan says:
I will be throwing empty bullet casings at you instead of confetti or rice!

Suzan says:
it's just a diamond..
Heather says:
I know
Suzan says:
it looks amazing of course
Suzan says:
but
Heather says:
i'd be afraid I'd be mugged
Suzan says:
hahahahahah
Suzan says:
yeah that's true
Heather says:
and at least if someone tried to mug me with a fake one on I'd be like,"here take it"otherwise I'd be like,'NO FOO' YOU BETTER BACK UP!!!!!! Back up off my bling bling"

Heather says:
it's like....walking down the street and all of a sudden a piano falls on you
Heather says:
and then says,"In case you missed that, Hi, I'm a piano and I just fell on your head"

Suzan says:
like Richard is gonna pomp the mic stand for that!

Suzan says:
but you became reallllly calm
Heather says:
yeah I was like that after I saw those wedding pictures
Heather says:
and had my little voodoo doll stabbing session

"*gets rake again* Hello rake, my old friend"-Me

"OK let's start an earwax collection fund so she can get those new maps."-Nick
"Yeah.....brought to you by Q-Tip Inc?"-Pete

"Hey...when you have a daughter you should name her Kidada!"-Donna

"Get that mechanically grown and processed meat away from me!! I bet they made it with lasers!!!"-Roger

"I have employees screaming at me, but they can wait. Probably just a tornado or somethin'."-Jimmy

"I hate them stupid mices!!! (pronounced: Meeses)"-Tim

Heather says:
my dog is a nutcase
Suzan says:
what's he doing?
Heather says:
eating a plastic container
Suzan says:
hahahah.. ohh don't let him or he will crap plastic bits

Suzan says:
He did not kiss me the way he kissed that whorebag

Suzan says:
YEAH.... honestly.. what was that?>??
Suzan says:
she was chewing his face like a steak
Suzan says:
I will be a little angel with him
Suzan says:
like Christoph found you singing on the hilltops of Austria like the Sound of music???

Suzan says:
ciao ciao
Heather says:
meow mix

"*stands on ashes of house and waves to passerby* Support us for a tax district!"-Chief
"Yeah, the people that lived here didn't. Vote for a tax district or your house is next!!"-Assistant Chief

Ryan says:
that guitar even looks like mine!
Heather says:
I knowww
Heather says:
Schatzie what are you not telling me?
Ryan says:
That secretly I am a woman?

"Where's the baby?" *FOOMP* -Ryan

"Are you pregnant?"-Psycho lady
"*he and chief tackle me* ma'am, you better run....NOW!"-Lt. Morton

"Daniel, you need to take these desks."-Billie
"What am I gonna do with 'em? Build a castle?"-Daniel

"That looks like BUTT!"-Tim

"Who's the father?"-Chief Weisner
"Your mom."-Me

"HAHAHAH.....that....wasn't really that funny."-Jimmy

"Oh, don't go skiing. Then I'll see it on FOX news...."Breaking news...student goes flying off mountain. Yes, we thought it was funny, too."-Lt. Morton

"I didn't smoke enough crack to deal with this effectively."-Tim

" yeah, I guess we did meet in a bar"-Erin
"you guess? That place couldn't have been more bar if you stuck a sign outside that said "Honkey tonk" and put a jukebox in the corner full of redneck songs, gave everyone a beer, and watched them line dance"-Me

"Heather that's a Fall shirt"-Mom
"Well it's a Summer shirt now"-Me

Suzan says:
why is it sad to find someone that does that to you?
Heather says:
i dunno....cause I feel like one of those people that always gets on your nerves. The hopeless romantic dreamer always locked in the tower waiting for her knight in shining armor to come save her
Heather says:
cause she can't drop kick the bozo in the head that's holding her captive

Suzan says:
i know... you like to be strong
Suzan says:
but that's what love does
Suzan says:
screws you over for life
Suzan says:
basically.
Heather says:
it's like taking a snail out of its shell and putting it on the ground
Heather says:
that was real reassuring, Suzan
Suzan says:
and then being stuck in a sandstorm
Heather says:
ok you're not helping!

Suzan says:
I hope that Claudia song is about how he killed a girl called Claudia
Suzan says:
or a girl called Claudia that once was Claude
Suzan says:
I hate that name now
Heather says:
no it's how I strangled a girl to death using her pantyhose

Suzan says:
well what would you rate us ?
Suzan says:
you've seen it all
Heather says:
I had the voices in my head sweep it all up and throw it out my ear. So I don't know what you're talking about

"Pageland? What kind of a town name is Pageland? It sounds like an amusement park for nerds."-Me

Suzan says:
mmmmm.. but I suppose they wouldn't make such a serious decision on the fly...
Suzan says:
you think they would???
Heather says:
i don't know that's why I said i could be grasping at straws
Heather says:
see......*holds out fistful of straws*

Heather says:
it's working?
alece says:
yuo
Heather says:
awesome! That'll be $400
alece says:
lol how about a OMGTHANKSALOTHEATHERRRRRRRRRRRRR WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ????

alece says:
no is the thing on engel. the thing they make with the lips
Heather says:
you mean whistle?
alece says:
yes that

Heather says:
but the holes in that story are there
Heather says:
do you see the holes though? *looks through one at you*
Heathersays:
you see what I'm talking about? *pokes finger through another one*
Heather says:
*waves at you with finger*

Heather says:
yo mama
Erin says:
No... you mama!
Erin says:
wait
Erin says:
no
Erin says:
yo
Erin says:
Right?

2005-07-06T05:56:00.000+02:00

I write this as my monster of a dog is eating the last shreds of my bra. Poor thing. Once he poops it out I must give it a proper burial indeed....or not. But anyway....

Tonight was a wonderful night to have my turnout gear washed. Of course I'll have to make up for it later, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. We set a house on fire with firecrackers. One of those "don't try this at home" stunts that you always wanted to try anyway. We also practiced flipping out of a 2nd story window onto a ladder. Lucky for me, my lack of turnout gear made me not eligible to try such harrowing stunts. I'm sure I could do it, but I'd rather have some sort of incentive. The house was on fire, sure, but I'm thinking of something more, say..oh...I don't know....my butt was on fire as well. That would cause me to hop out of that window in a heartbeat I'm sure. Oh well. C'est la vie.

2005-07-05T10:01:00.000+02:00

Does no one find it odd that I'm supposed to be putting fires OUT, but yet enjoy creating them and/or just standing in their midst thinking "ooooOOOOoooo purdyyy". I set my kitchen on fire a few days ago...although it was entirely not my fault, to my credit. Maybe this is why I became a firefighter? To put things out when I set them on fire? But where's the fun in that? Ah well, I suppose preservation of myself and all my tools to take over the world is a must. I haven't posted in quite some time...and I knew exactly what I was going to say when I came in here and sat down...but now I've forgotten. Oh well, such is old age. At least now I'm not responsible for anything I don't remember....sort of..and can just blame it on forgetfulness...or something to that effect.

2004-09-30T07:15:00.000+02:00

Have I told you yet that I get this perverse pleasure in saying "I told you so" ? -Erin

"I Told him 'I haven't been taking any drugs! I'll prove it! We can go to Wal-Mart and buy all the drug tests there and you can watch me pee."-Brandy

"With songs like "May the Bird of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose" who WOULDN'T love country music??" -Hub

"They spend over 20 HOURS cooking Thanksgiving DINNER?!!! I would never do that. At my Thanksgiving Dinner there would be a little note in the center of the table that said 'Brought to you by Peking Express'" -Me

"Good morning sunshine"
"Grrr" -Josh and me

"Now is there anything else you need?"
"3 million dollars"
"....oh...darn...I left my checkbook in my other pants"
"and the dog ate it?"
"Yep"
"You don't have a dog"
"oh....I meant...the chickens got it."
"The chickens?"
"Yeah they scratched all over them pants" -Dad and me

"And I felt all warm and fuzzy and I was grinning like a loon"
"You sure it's not an ebola?" -Erin and me

alece, 13 dias para Reise Reise!! sagt:
which is gonna be the tile
alece, 13 dias para Reise Reise!! sagt:
?
alece, 13 dias para Reise Reise!! sagt:
"HELP, PLEASE, HELP!!!"
alece, 13 dias para Reise Reise!! sagt:
?

"His shoes are so big you could ski on them things" -Bobby

"Poor fat hamster" -Me

"Pee pee dance, pee pee dance!!" -Brandy

"There's a good one and a bad one. You know somethin' happened in the gene pool. Some of 'em got all the genes and some of 'em just butt naked with the genes you know." -Josh B.

"Those fortune cookies are addictive. I bet there's cocaine in them" -Ryan

Crash 2oo: and I can say.. I killed people.. and then you will be like..
Crash 2oo: that makes me hot

"What did you do?"
"I'll give you a hint.....it starts with 'I threw a chip in your drink.'"
"no seriously.....what did you do? YOU THREW A SUGAR PACKET AT ME!"
"No...."
"Yes you did here it is on the floor! hey.....why is there a chip in my drink?" -Rhette and Nate

"Hey waiter....will you bring him a cracker? He's on a diet"-Me

*at Broncos*
"Hey do you have P.O.D.?"
"What?"
"P.O.D."
"What's that?"
"A rock band"
"um.....no....but.....we have mariachi!!" -Rhette and the waiter

"I should've named my daughter......first name: thegrass. middle name: is. Get it? The grass is greene? hahahahha.....man that's mean." -Brandy

"But radioactive..hmm..I'm gonna die turning into something neat" -Erin

"Y'all know what it's like to run in a bathrobe? Ok me neither...." -Josh B.

"I have the straw of death!"-Me

"Watch out or I'll stab you with my napkin!!"-Nate

"Yeah I noticed you up there. I was like HAHAHAHAHA she had it comin'."-Kim

"He's standing up there like a stone statue!"
"Aren't all statues stone?"
"yeah...but that's not the point. He's just so...white." -Jennifer and Steven

"But what if he has a girlfriend?"
"Have you seen him? He doesn't have a girlfriend."-Erin and me

"I want you"
"I bet you do"-Robert and me

"Have I ever told you how scary you are in the morning?"
"I'll stab you in the back with this pen if you keep talking." -Josh and me

"I saw you up there on that ladder!!....you borrowed SOMEONE ELSE'S LADDER! I had a perfectly good ladder in my garage!!"
"Well, if it makes you feel any better I didn't enjoy it." -Mike and John

"Do you ever use your blinker?"
"Only when I think about to hit somebody"-Josh B. and me

"I hope he knows the closest thing I have to hawaiian clothes is plain black" -Me

"Why do they give me the crack babies? WHY?"-Linda

"I have vampire teeth. It's useful for when people punch me in the face....which is often." -Nate

"OMG HEY!!!!!!! JOSH I HAVE LUNCH SECOND PERIOD AND HERE'S A LIST OF MY SCHEDULE WILL YOU COME SEE ME?!"-crazy psycho girl outside

"I think he can sit on a bayonet. *like 5 minutes later* Did I say bayonet? I meant a five foot long sword that will clean out his body cavity so utterly painfully that the very thought of taking a dump will scare him to his grave." -Erin

"I just wanted you to know that through that mic I can hear everything you say."
"Hey Edgar...I have to pee...so if you hear noises just think of it as waterfall sounds." -Edgar and Josh

"Have I asked you that a lot sweetie?"
"Yes"
"oh I'm sorry"
"In fact you've asked me that 137 times"
"wow....keeping count now...." -Raymoth and me

"Why is he staring at me?"
"I don't know, ask him."
"HEY CREEPY GUY WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME?!" -Bianca and me

ok I've tried but I can't think of enough to go in between.....so these people will be in succession of each other.....

"I know that, but you see, regardless of what I know... the images that are transfered from you to me don't care" -Erin

"maybe if I lock myself in a room with purple bunnies I won't think about it "
"Nah man the purple bunnies would eat you alive" -Erin and me

and these final ones are from Josh B.

"she slobbered all over me like a dog, man. It was like lick, lick, lick all over my face. She was psycho."

"Y'all know God created people on the 6th day. So what did he do for the other 5? He was just like,"Poof grass.....poof animals............ok I really don't know if "poof" was said but you get my point."

"And if you wanna know what the point of that was....there wasn't one so just forget that."

My sentiments exactly....
Regular non-quote blogger will continue soon.

2004-08-30T05:48:00.001+02:00

As promised.......more funny quotes...

"USA won ANOTHER medal! That's 101.... don't you get tired celebrating all the time? When Mexico wins I'm like "Yes! WEEEEEEE"--Sergio

"ZA DUCK FLIES AT MIDNIGHT!"
"Soy sauce!!"-Mine and Erin's secret code

"They think CCM is bad? Well.....let's be wild for a little while. *turns radio to a CCM station*"--Aunt Welda

"Have you ever washed?"
"Uh........yeah...several times actually. I would like to think of myself as a regular at that."
".......NO! The PAINTING!"--Dale and me

"Hey let me ask y'all somethin'. Is a peach supposed to be hard or soft?"--Creepy guy at Wal-Mart.

"I see me'n'you livin' on two acres o' land in a nice doublewide."-Bobby

"Bobby, would you believe the Japanese have long arms and tiny fingers?"--Wayne to my dad while he was trying to fix my car

"Let's see Bobby and Marvin's number one hit: "Just A Diggin'" Oh thank you folks, there's enough Bobby to go around. Here we go......"--Dad

"I looked out my car window and oh what did I see
A big ol' pile of trash
I know it's just for me
A big old rusted knife
A bunch of old beer cans
My heart has always belonged here
This is one thing that don't go to Uncle Sam
Let me tell you about my love
I feel like I should
It's called the Cherokee Landfill
And boy it sure looks good!!
Just a diggin'!
Ohhh, just a diggin'!"--Just A Diggin'.....I forgot the rest though

"My legs look fat"--Sergio

"I'm gonna go up there right now and give them what for!!!!!.......tomorrow"--Me

"Where's the bathroom?"
"*puts bucket down in front of me* Have fun. There's some leaves outside if you need toilet paper"--Wayne

2004-08-29T08:33:00.001+02:00

Well I believe it's time to add some funny quotes in here.....enjoy....and congratulate me on my return to the blogger....

"Hey Heather, what's an easier way to say Electronic Video Systems Manager?"
"...video dude..."--Lance and me

"I need a job man. I'm a loser. Even the birds got jobs. They clean the crap outta the road. *sticks head out window* HEY BIRDS!!! ARE YOU GUYS HIRING?!!!!"--Bianca at 6:30 A.M. running on 27 hours no sleep.

"I think she should "accidentally" fall off a cliff"--Me

"I had all these funny quotes I was going to add, but I forgot them all."
"That happens to me a lot....and I get mad."--Sergio and me

"I likes me shirt"--Ryan

"Quit!"
"Quit what?"
"Hmm....I forgot.....carry on then."--Josh and me

"What happened to your flip flops!?!"
"Hub was makin' fun of me"
"So you wore those shiny things and tried to pass them off as shoes?"
"hahahaha yeah.......wait........what?"--Josh B. and me

"I got the kind with wings (maxi pads) so they don't fly away."--Bianca

"heatherej!!!"
"Hey! Are you drunk?"
"ewjfoaweij nowea. Guess whatet!"
"What?"
"I wenteg skewiing!"
"Really? Where?"
"Downs tehw stairsss!! It was aewetsomeet. You sfehwould comej negxt tiemw. Thiset stupeied keytboard wtoent tyepw right."--Jay and me

"Heather......*gets down on one knee* Will you marry me? *holds up cheap $1.00 fake flowers*"--Bianca

"For my first assignment they sent me to videotape the tornado!"
"Why didn't you do us all a favor and capture the center of it too."
"Because I di--.....HEY! That was an insult!" --Josh

"I want something from dairy queen."
"Me too, why don't you go get it?"
"Why don't you go with me?"
"Ok."
"Good, then you can get gas for me."
".....YOU SET ME UP!!"
"HAHAHA you thought you would get out of it!!"--Mom and me

"Rockin' like Dockin......with stockin's...."
".....real clever Tim...." --Tim

"These are the confessions of a dangerous mind"
"What?"
"Huh?"
"Who confessed what?"
"Eh?"
"What was dangerous?"
"Who confessed what dangerously?"
"No.....what? I'm confused"
"I'm confused too."
"You started it!"
"Did not!"
"Did too!"
"Did what?"
"I forgot"--Debi and me

"If Heather was a teacher she would fix those kids."
"That's because she would shoot them all."
"You say that like it's a BAD thing"--Mom and Linda

More to follow as I think of them..

2004-04-23T08:11:00.000+02:00

There's a blog "Blogger" has noticed recently called "Palm Addict" and I keep reading it as "Pam Addict" and I keep thinking,"I have to tell Pam someone out there is obsessed with her!". That was my random bit of info for the evening. Oh wait, I have one more. There was a girl at the video store who asked me if you spelled "taken" with an "i". I wanted to go,"YOU are the reason I dye my hair!" But at least she knows how to twirl her hair and chew gum at the same time.

It never fails. Just when I think plans are off for good, they come back on. Wade told me tonight that filming is back on track and will begin in May. Finally I can get out of this hell hole and start life like I wanted to.

Oh, and by the way Ashely...you messed with the wrong person on the wrong day. I know you're probably sitting there trying to get your brain to figure out so many words at once and after it's taken you 2 hours to read this you're going to say,"I'm not scared." Well you don't have to be....yet.

2004-04-17T21:57:00.000+02:00

I never thought I would see this. I know the Power Rangers have been on ever since I was in 5th grade....can't remember if they were on longer than that, but...'tever. Anyway...so the guy that was the green ranger...then the white ranger...then the gold ranger....then...who knows. He kept leaving and then coming back as something different. Anyway...mom was watching tv this morning and she told me to come in there because he was on tv. I go in there, and he's a TEACHER now! And he has a receding hairline!!! Last time I saw him he was a high school kid with a ponytail. Now he's a teacher with a receding hairline! I feel so old. He doesn't look as good now either. Such a shame.

Yesterday I thought,"I wanna talk to Gail. I'm gonna call her." So I called her prepared to talk to the answering machine like all the other 239857239857 times I've called. She picked up and I talked to her for a while and told her that I still haven't talked to Addison since July. and she said,"Well guess who just pulled up. Addison! We'll nip this in the bud right now!" So she went outside and handed the phone to him and he seemed excited to talk to me. I asked him how he was doing and he said,"Good now that I'm talking to you." heh. We talked for a while about old memories and new ones and such. So everything seems to be ok between us, which makes me really happy.

One of mom's students died the other day. She was only 7 and she had a brain tumor. It's very sad when someone so young doesn't even get the chance to really live.

~Liebe ist nur ein Traume und nicht mehr.

2004-04-02T05:16:00.000+02:00

Why is it that i'm almost 20 years old, on the verge of fame, and stuck doing a kiddie talent show to help out my mother? :: sigh:: Such is life, I suppose.

I came to the realization last night about something I've been wanting for a very long time. That realization is this: I may never have it. But I was not made for that. At least not yet. I was made to sing. And that is what I'm going to do until the other situation presents itself to me. Godspeed.

2004-03-26T05:37:00.000+01:00

As of yesterday, I am now offically a "recording artist". A record producer last night confirmed his desire to work with me. Beware world. I begin the recording process as soon as possible....and let me assure you. I will not rest until I am number 1. For those of my friends I haven't told yet...I'm telling you now. I told you I would get here. And here I stand. :D

2004-02-25T07:49:00.000+01:00

There is trouble in my mind
There is dark
There is dark and there is light
Lay your hands over my eyes
As I look deep
Through valleys deep and wide
Across the borderline
For the empire in my mind

You are the reason I don't sleep
You are the light
That's breaking through the leaves
And you know how hard I try
To believe
I have something good inside
All the barricades I climb
For the empire in my mind

I have known love somewhere in time
I've been lifted up
I've looked honor in the eyes
I have no reason I have no rhyme
I cannot deny
There's a darkness that's inside
I am guilty by design
And now I realize
That temptations made me blind
To the empire in my mind

There is no order
And there is chaos
And there is crime
There is no one home tonight
in the empire of my mind

There is no distance that I don't see
I do have a world
No limit to my reach
I wish I would
I wish I might
To see a line tonight
Separating wrong from right
As I am only born to try
And maybe that's the reason why
I'm afraid someday I 'll find
There is no empire in my mind

~~it was then, and only then, that she began to cry.

2004-02-18T09:07:00.000+01:00

Valentine's Day=Crap. However, I like the presents I get from my parents. Thank you Valentine's Day. I finally got what I've been wanting/needing for a while now.

After 4 hours, I finally figured out another part of my keyboard. My blood pressure medication is probably going to cost as much as that keyboard if I have to spend so much more time on it again. Hey, Korg, how about making a USER FRIENDLY KEYBOARD next time? Eh? Eh?

2004-02-08T06:00:00.000+01:00

SCREW YOU BLOGGER FOR MAKING MY WORDS COME UP FUNNY!!!....now that I have that out of the way....

I hate Valentine's Day for 2 main reasons. If you are alone, you are reminded of the fact while everyone else plays kissy-face with their significant other. And, if you have someone, you have to get them something. I think everyone knows by now that I am terrified of getting presents. Yes...that IS what I said...don't re-read that, I'll re-type it so your brain doesn't fry....I AM TERRIFIED OF GETTING PRESENTS.

It's amazing how some people doubt me...even though they should learn by now. When I say I'm going to win...I win. So I would just like to take this moment and say to Miranda: ahem...:: clears throat momentarily:: I WON. But I would like to thank you for losing...otherwise I couldn't have won. Feel free to try again any time. To everyone else who probably has no idea what I'm babbling about, Jon is officially back in my life. As we all knew he would be. :: raises fist in triumph::

"Hey baby, wanna join me in my coffin?"-Me

2004-01-31T03:02:00.000+01:00

Final Fantasy X...the greatest game ever. Final Fantasy X-2.....sucks. Danke Gott, that the game got less asinine as it went on....however not by much. The things you had to do to complete the game gave me a headache from its stupidity. I.E. Giving some lunatic woman a backrub while she moans as if having the greatest orgasm on record. What genius thought that up.

I'm really tired of stupid people. People in general, but stupid people moreso. People who make the asinine statement of: "You can't miss it if you never had it...you don't know what it's like." It's like this. If I get scalded by water...I can make a pretty good assumption of what it's going to feel like if I stick my hand in the fire. I have never wanted to break somebody's neck so badly. But...moving on...

Ich muß Gefühle jetzt kämpfen, die ich nie vorher kämpfen mußte. Jemand so zu wünschen ist nicht recht. Aber dennoch... noch I Hoffnung. Eine verbotene Hoffnung. Warum? Warum muß ich durch das gehn?

2004-01-23T14:10:00.000+01:00

It is done. It took from 2 A.M. to 8:15 A.M. but it is finally finished. Maybe now that I've 'revamped' my blog more people will visit. I did much better than I thought I would. Although I don't know what it says about me considering how long it took.

2004-01-23T05:50:00.000+01:00

I got the Shinedown and Chevelle CD's today. I must remember to thank Pam later for the tip on Shinedown.

I have 5 months to become fluent in German before I leave. My German is good enough now as it is, but I would rather be more fluent so they don't think,'Stupid American....coming here expecting us all to speak English.' However I must still decide what I want to do before then. The Army or wherever Wade plans to take me, heh. All I know is there's only one thing I want right now, and he's in Germany. That's all I care about. Everything else is just mundane and pointless. Something's got to change. I don't care if it's me or if it's the situation, but something's got to give. I can't take much more. That's all for now from me....btw....good luck on the SAT's Pam. I'm sure you'll do great.

~~'When I am old sitting in my electric chair I will tell my children all about Rammstein and by then music will have changed and they will think I'm stupid.' 'Uh..your electric chair?' 'yes, because I am old and can't walk well.' 'Do you mean wheelchair? Because electric chair is what they fry people in.' 'Oh...yes then is wheelchair.'--Sergio and me

2004-01-21T02:30:00.000+01:00

I'm going to Germany in June. If at all possible, I'm not coming back.

Jack: So you're a terrorist huh? How many 7-11 stores do you own? What? Come on, if you're a terrorist you have to own at least ONE 7-11!!
Scott: Man ain't nobody scared of nobody in this town.

2004-01-20T05:13:00.000+01:00

Apparently we caught a terrorist last night. Congratulations to us. I got 16 hours of sleep today. Considering I've only been getting 1-2 hours all week, I think that's a fair trade off.

Jamie: Come on Heather, I thought you and me was down like a car with four flat tires.

2004-01-16T23:17:00.000+01:00

Since I forgot to post this earlier, here it is now. My thoughts on "The Apprentice"....

Personally, I think Donald Trump would be hard to work for. He would make me mad and I would tell him where to go and how to get there and he would fire me. Then I would become more rich than him and stuff my hard earned money up his.....nevermind. Anyway....I can't stand Sam. I do not like him in a car. I do not like him on a train. I do not like him on that show. He should not be in that game. However I did find it funny yesterday when what's his face put the hat on his head and said,"Sam...close your eyes. You are not in the city. You are no longer Sam from the City'. You are 'Country Sam'. Be the hat, man. Be the hat." Yes, good advice indeed.

Furthermore, WHAT was that about with....er....what's her face....saying,"Just stop with your racist comments." when the other girl said,"That's like the pot calling the kettle black." SHE WAS CALLING YOU A HYPOCRITE YOU IDIOT! Has no one else heard that phrase? and what is it with some people? If someone told me,"you look red with rage." I wouldn't be like,"YOU RACIST!" Get a life.

2004-01-16T14:13:00.000+01:00

This blog is going to be random because unfortunately I can only sleep for 2 hours before being awakened with things on my mind and can't go back to sleep.

I suppose I just need to ask people when I require their assistance instead of saying it in here since it's about a month before anyone visits. So I guess I'll have to IM Pam personally instead of just saying in here,"PAM COULD YOU CHANGE MY BLOG COLORS?" ;)

Yeah, I really like that Mobscene remix now by Christoph and Paul. At first I thought it was stupid. Then it became quite addictive. Sad to say the least.

I really like Lichtspielhaus. (Natuerlich.) Especially the making of's. I recommend to anyone looking for something good to watch with at least 4 hours on their hands lol.

Ok...Die Sonne sheint und Morgen ist hier. Ich muss gehn.

2004-01-14T06:39:00.000+01:00

I got gummy bears tonight. But then I noticed they were "Buddy Bears Gummi Bears". They have hearts on their stomachs and are holding their arms out in a hug. Hmm....I'm guessing this is the "gay version" of the gummy bears.

More than one occasion I have wished that I had a camera phone. I pulled up beside a car tonight, and out of the corner of my eye I noticed that something was wrong. I looked over and the rear-view mirror had been taped to the side of the car door (mirror side down) with masking tape. Only two words can explain this phenomenon: DOVER CAR!

Dad: "You get paid every time your song comes on the radio?! Well, I'm going to be on the phone 23 hours a day calling the radio stations. 'Hey will you play that new song by Heather Akena?!'"
Chris: I'll help!

It's nice to know I have people willing to add to my bank account :D.

Song of the day: "The Sky Is Falling"-Lifehouse

2004-01-13T08:26:00.000+01:00

Tonight is apparently copy/paste songs into Blogger night. :: sigh:: and I want to know why my time is always off by several hours on this thing. Pam, please fix this lol. Why do I blog? No one ever reads it. Maybe it's just out of habit. I died again last night. And I think I'm going to keep dying until I either stay dead or find what I'm looking for. I know I can find it...the question is...will I want it when I find it? There are two quotes tonight that I'm going to add as well.

"I'm not afraid of dying. After all I die a little more every day since you came into my life."--Amidala

"It's only profitable to live a lie if you don't know it's a lie."--Me

If there is a tear on my face
It makes me shiver to the bone
It shakes me, Babe
It's just a heartache that got caught in my eye
And you know I never cry, I never cry

Sometimes I drink more than I need
Until the TV's dead and gone
I may be lonely
But I'm never alone
And the night may pass me by
But I'll never cry

Take away, take away my eyes
Sometimes I'd rather be blind
Break a heart, break a heart of stone
Open it up but don't you leave it alone

'Cuz that's all I got to give you
Believe me Babe, it ain't been used
My heart's a virgin, its never been tried
And you know I'll never cry
And you know I'll never cry
And you know I'll never cry
Never cry, I'll never cry

Break a heart, break a heart of stone
'Cuz that's all I got to give you
Believe me Babe, it ain't been used
My heart's a virgin, its never been tried
And you know I'll never cry
Never cry
I'll never cry

2004-01-13T04:29:00.000+01:00

I have officially dyed my hair as black as possible. Now when my "Shock blue" hair extensions come in, I'll be good to go, muahaha. Me+hair dye=dangerous.

I talked to Wade for 4 hours last night. He wants me to go to Kuwait with him for the Military Entertainment thing, and, you know what, I think I'm gonna go. Sounds like fun....and I have to make sure Wade doesn't embarrass himself. You'd be surprised the things one talks about at 2 a.m.

On another note....

Make the world go away
Get it off my shoulder
Say the things we used to say
And make the world, make it go away

Do you remember when you loved me
Before the world took you away
Well if you do, then forgive me
And make the world, make it go away

Make the world go away
Get it off my shoulder
Say the things we used to say
And make the world, make it go away

Now I�m sorry if I hurt you
Let me make it up to you day by day
And if you will please forgive me
And make the world, make it go away

Make the world go away
Get it off my shoulder
Say the things we used to say
And make the world, make it go away

2004-01-09T06:14:00.000+01:00

I want to scream in German. Really loudly. I still feel peaceful in a way, yet intensely angry. I hate people. I'm going to work in the Counterterrorism division of the CIA so I can blow up all the people I hate and get paid for it. I hate everything and everyone right now and I'm all right with that. Screw you all. Have a nice day. :)

2004-01-08T04:04:00.000+01:00

Quotes from the past:

"You do not live here therefore your opinion is null and void!"-me

"And she embarrassed me in front of everyone! She said,'Oh, that's just the underwire in your bra.' and I said,'No....THOSE ARE MY LEAD BOOBIES!'"--Gina, talking about being frisked at the airport

"Who dat is?" "Girl das jus' my baby daddy."-Nicole and me

"You...you...frito!"-Pam

"Welcome to the bizarro string world."-Pam also

"She looked like she'd been hit with a 100 lb. bag of 'What the hell?'"-Jamie, although it's much funnier when said.

"She looked like she did the 100 yd. dash in a 90 yd. gym." "...wait I don't get it...." "She hit the wall, stupid!" "....OH OK!"-Jamie and Chad

"The question is...can you handle it?" "....uh...I'm not the one doing the exercising."--Me and Chad. Me obviously intoxicated by Chad's hotness.

"I would never sleep with someone who's already been sleeping with someone else. I might get VIH."-Sergio

"I've just been violated bumper to bumper!"-Nicole

"What it is, dawg?" "I'm a bat, don't call me no names. I'm a BAT. You see that Robin over 'der. He ain't worf' it, nu uh. Don't mess with me. I might only have one finger on my wing but I'll POKE YOU"-Wade

"ha, that was so homosexual."-Jay

"Stop following me so close!.....you ain't queer are you?"-Slinky

"Welcome to Idaho. Wait...who da ho?"-Wade

"Lucretia? Is she related to Lucifer?"-Me

"My name is Shatifah Bonifah Latifah Laquanda Julianne Makinawa"-Wade again

"Hello Mr. Greene, this is Britney Spears and I just wanted to let you know that Wade has won a top secret contest he doesn't even know about." "OMG are you really Britney Spears. You sound like her....are you?" "Yes sir. Can Wade dance or sing?" "....well...not really no."-Me messing with Wade's dad.

"Heather I heard your song on the radio! I told everyone at work,'I know her!'"-Wade's dad mistaking Amy Lee's voice for my own.

"This sucks." "You should tell them." "Yeah your right. ZEES EES WHAT I SINK OF YOU STUPID REDNECK PEOPLE!"-Till and me, right before Till goes to urinate all over the house

"Dover car!"-Brent

"Hey, let's take pictures of all the stupid buildings in this town. First on the list...HILLS AND THRILLS!"-Brent again (but it's heels and frills)

"He said to write him and give dad the letter and he would put it in his box." "Yeah I'll give him something and put him in a box all right."-dad and me.

More to come as I think of them

2004-01-08T00:52:00.000+01:00

Random soapbox rant: I hate it when people think I don't know something. I know practically everything. Around the time that it happens. Why? Because I am observant, and I learn from the best. (namely the Father of Profiling's top student David...but...whatever) My point is...don't underestimate me. You're only making yourself look stupid.

2004-01-04T08:02:00.000+01:00

Well I am surprised. My letters showed up after all. :: applaudes Blogger for once:: Ahem....now let me get straight to my point.

I love the night. Especially on a full moon. There's just something in the air that makes everything peaceful. I also love things that remind me of what good memories I do have. In case you're wondering what I'm babbling about, I just saw "Return of the King". Besides the fact I stared a lot at Viggo Mortenson's nose and thought,"ew" (long story) so much of it reminded me of the good things in my past. And my future. I walked out into a lonely parking lot and let the wind hit my face and ignored the rest of the world. I am finally free.

2004-01-03T09:46:00.000+01:00

Erste, fr�hliche Weihnachten, gl�ckliches neues Jahr und alles, sonst,
das ich vergessen hatte, jeder zu w�nschen. Now part of my German letters are probably going to show up as question marks. That makes me quite angry.

You know you are stressed out when:
1.) You realize you have been wearing liquid concealer as lipstick...for a week and a half.
2.) You are in mid-sentence and have already forgotten not only what you were about to say, but what you have said already.
3.) You take great care to wrap the presents to the right people in coordinated packaging, only to write the wrong names on the labels.
4.) Your "word of the day" is "huh?" or "what?"
5.) You wake up saying,"I just had the greatest dream!....now what was it?"
6.) The thought of "Peace on Earth" makes your stomach churn.
7.) Eating seems to require more energy than you have.
8.) You refer to people by different names or several different names together. (I.e. Billy Joe Bob)
9.) You throw things just to feel better and worry about replacing the holes in the wall later.

and...
Please pity me and send a nice check in my name to help my frayed nerves.

On another note...I had the most unusual urge to grab Jamie's butt the other night. :x. Childish, I know, but the desire remained nonetheless until I actually (insert surprised gasp) reached out to it. But, he moved. Thank goodness.

And finally....I shall leave this god-forsaken town behind me for a month and make my way to Iowa where I shall convince all of Wade's friends that I am a vampire. muwahahaha. mmmm fangs. Oh, by the way Pam.....Wade lives in the north. He says that "pop" is definately a northen thing. Mmkay. Yes I win. Thank you. lol

2003-12-05T06:40:00.000+01:00

Yes Pam.....leave it to Till to leave you so hopeful lol. But it's a true quote, though. Whether it be through death or what...it eventually dies. :: sigh::

Well, tonight I finished my Dracula song. (Yes, it has a name, but I'm not writing it for the sake of the copyright.) It's the most awesome song in the history of time. But of course once you write a song about Dracula, you run the risk of being called things like "Spawn of Satan" "Evil one" and many other things...all of which I was called tonight. :) Ha. They should hear my song about Hitler...then they'll really think I'm a spawn of the devil. My Mom showed Tim an old picture of me and he said,"aww I know that Heather. She was so sweet." and I said,"Yeah...who knew in 3 years she'd write songs about Hitler and Dracula. :D" anddd I got a kiss. Tee hee. Gary added another guitar part...he is so coming on tour with me. That way I only have to pay him in backrubs. And Brian...well...I'll just let him get a lot of exposure so he'll be so starstruck I won't have to pay him either. :)

2003-12-04T06:09:00.001+01:00

Ahhh it's so good to be back in the studio. Just walking down the hallway, my bad mood lifted and I felt at home. I was met by Brian who gave me a hug and said he missed me and was glad to be working with me again. Then Gary came and said,"I want you to know, I've been listening to Rammstein all day to try and get the feel of this song! :D" poor guy....lol but I love him. Then Keyter came in...and that's when I realized how right everything felt. He grinned really big and wrapped his arms around me and said,"It's SO good to be back working with you! You are so awesome....you have some serious creative genius." I don't blush often, but I did then...because Keyter is the most awesome musician in the history of time. He said I was his favorite person to work for :). aww I love you too Keyt. Of course it wouldn't have been a complete studio session if we didn't cut up most of the time. Keyter and I are both the same amount of Cherokee Indian, so we always change the lyrics to things like,"You stole our land white man." while Tim and I make up separate lyrics about crack. It wastes time, but it's fun. The song will be finished tomorrow....then it can be used for the soundtrack. Muwahahaha. More on the studio time tomorrow, but for now, I shall leave you with a quote from Till.

~~~"Love is like a flower, even the most beautiful kind dies."

So true. So true.

2003-11-30T04:47:00.000+01:00

I'm glad I have at least one good friend in the world. a.k.a. Pam. (or Pinky, depending on the moment.) She is the only person who actually acknowledged that this tragedy even happened, and didn't immediately switch to what movies she saw recently. So thank you Pam. And yes, things will look up for me. This soundtrack deal has my name written all over it.

2003-11-28T05:07:00.000+01:00

Thanksgiving sucked...and it's ruined for the rest of my life. My uncle called this morning and said that my aunt's best friend (Who I was also close to) was murdered and they found her and her husband's body yesterday, but he only found out this morning. I don't even want to celebrate this stupid holiday anymore. That's all.

2003-11-22T04:29:00.000+01:00

I figured it's about time I post. I've been meaning to for a while, but haven't gotten around to it. (When exciting things are happening like the entire police dept. chasing down a car with a refridgerator strapped to the trunk I just don't have the time to write.) Hopefully soon I shall leave this god-forsaken town to go to Berlin. Where my true home is. But only time will tell.

I think it's funny how people get the wrong ideas. There are people I know that apparently think they know who they're talking to. They don't use names, but they give out subtle hints. I, for one, am not so subtle. Ashely, it's not sacred. It's stupid. Get over it. Dankesch�n. Tsch��.

I'm also sick of people who whine about things as if they could be changed. They let themselves be run over. Why? What is the joy in getting your face smacked in the pavement over and over again? Why can you not stand up for yourself and just say what needs to be said? It's beyond me. I've also decided to write a song about Hitler, it will be on the same album as my song about Dracula. Muahahaha. Pam, hopefully I shall be able to come visit before I leave Hell.

2003-11-03T05:51:00.000+01:00

If you're going to say "y'all", please spell it correctly. And furthermore.....it's soda....not pop. I'm starting a poll. Everyone who says pop....tell me where you're from. I'm going to prove to you Pam that this is a northern thing. lol

I sat in the graveyard for Halloween. It's ironic that I find such peace there. With all the crazy things going on outside, the lights and sirens going off...I just sat with the dead and looked at the sky.

2003-10-22T05:35:00.000+02:00

To all the stupid people out there: "Ich bin dein Negativ....und ich komme f�r Sie."

2003-10-16T05:44:00.000+02:00

Yet another quote....

"She looks like she did the 100 yd. dash in a 90 yd. gym. :: insert head smack motion and pained grunt::"

2003-10-16T05:41:00.000+02:00

We hit a deer last night while looking for a car that had a gigantic fridge strapped to the back of it. Poor deer :( Oh well, it'll take 2 asprin and feel better in the morning.

Jamie stopped me last night. "Excuse me....I wasn't going 48." "Yes you were." "No way." "Yes way!" "Loser!" "So?!....wait....." haha, I love him.

When people are trying to contain laughter...have you ever noticed how they look constipated? I have found my stress relief in screaming at stupid people 3 ways to Sunday. I guess some people find my comments rather amusing. Woo hoo.

On a final note....I have never been so turned on by cologne in my life. I have sunken to a new low.

2003-10-15T05:46:00.000+02:00

Hey Pam, I have a new quote you can use for the people you despise most. You can thank Jamie for it later.

"She looks like she's been hit with a 100 lb. bag of 'What the hell?'"

2003-10-13T04:19:00.000+02:00

People often wonder why I surround myself with men. The answer: I hate girls/women. Their stupidity annoys me. Granted I may be one of them, but it doesn't mean I act like them. I got stuck behind 4 dumb blonde crackheads tonight. They squealed excessively, for one thing. For another thing, one girl had just gotten on the Real World and was delirious. She kept yelling,"Want me to sign something for you? I'M GONNA BE FAMOUS!" "DO YOU REALIZE A FAMOUS PERSON IS HOLDING YOUR PEN???" ''OMG I'M LIKE SO FAMOUS!!!!!!!!" ...right.... just gag me with a fork.

Sometimes I wonder if the world is ready for me.
Then I realize....it isn't. Oops.

2003-10-12T06:03:00.000+02:00

I tried to put in a cartoon I found, but it won't let me because it's stupid. I'll have to ask Pam how since she's the queen of this. Hmmm...

On another note: I've finished most of the studio work. I have some video ideas now. Alles in ordnung. muahaha.

2003-10-07T05:58:00.000+02:00

First I'll start of by posting something I realized while driving the other day. You know you live in a redneck town when you see someone outside spraypainting their lawn green because it wasn't "the right color". Yeah.....moving on....

I indent, but yet when I publish the post, it goes away. Makes me irritable indeed. So what was I going to say....oh yes. More of life's rantings. I am now pitting the Army and the Air Force against each other. Whoever offers me the better deal, I will go with. :: sigh:: Being a genius is hard work sometimes. But fun, nonetheless. I must congratulate my mother's friend. She has made me so mad I was actually shaking with anger. It's a new record for me. I wanted to kill her with my bare hands and laugh like an insane maniac while doing it. She had the nerve to say that a certain someone wasn't good enough for me because he was a "dirty old man". Oh no. She doesn't know him. She has no right to judge him. And he isn't even that old. I have made my point. Now if you all will excuse me I have to go retrieve paper from my dog.

2003-10-05T07:01:00.000+02:00

As Oli would say,"Pain or sorrow is the best starting point for artistic expression." Such deep words from a man who rarely uses any. (words not artistic expression) The songs are coming along quite beautifully. They reflect the deepest part of my soul that I locked away for a long time because no one cared about it and it had to come out some way. So it did so in song. Once "Timmy" finishes his bass line and Rusty finishes his guitars......it will be nice. Very nice indeed.

It's always interesting to be singing and look over only to see your 60-something year old keyboard player headbanging. In a suit, I might add. But the man is nevertheless a genius. He also kept trying to make me laugh by sticking his lips out and moving back and forth making noises like a lightsaber. However that's not as bad as my drummer...who slammed up against the glass and puffed out his mouth and slid down the glass. But I guess I'll forgive him because he gives excellent backrubs.

We thought about doing an indian song since my keyboarder and I are both indian. Tim and the drummer decided they wanted to do backup, so they started doing the indian chants along with him, except extremely out of key. I wish I could have tape-recorded that to use for blackmail later.

Weird things are definately happening around here. I'm getting "signs" and "dreams" more often. So something big is about to happen, and I think I know what. But I shall refrain from saying it until I am more certain. Good-bye for now.

2003-09-29T04:39:00.000+02:00

Hello everyone. You know what I have decided? I hate Ashely so much, she's getting her own song. It's called "Loser" because she's so scared she's going to die from a rash. And yet.....she thinks people WITH LIVES are losers. And I know she's going to say,"If you got somethin' to say....say it in English." But you know what. It's more fun when you can't understand and pretend you do.

Dear Ashely,
Препятствуйте нам посмотреть определение задержано в развитии. оно кажется ваше изображение около его. Не что сярприз? Вы будете loser не может погулять прогулка.

Wenn Sie nicht m�gen, was ich sage, aufrichtig glaube ich, da� Sie kann lecken mein arse. Ich hoffe, da� bald ich in der LageBIN, Mittel des
�berschusses....ich mienen... in Sie bald laufen zu lassen. Haben Sie einen sch�nen Tag, Verlierer. Ach- ja, dachten Sie �berhaupt, um zu �berpr�fen und zu sehen, ob Sie Krabben haben,diesen Hautausschlag zu begleiten?

2003-09-24T04:44:00.000+02:00

I head back into the studio Monday. Ahh stress relief.

2003-09-21T06:48:00.000+02:00

Idiot quote of the day: "I'm impotent and proud of it!!!!........wait.....that's not right. IMPORTANT! Yeahhhh that's it!"

I realized today I actually like a certain person....and I never realized I liked them before. Hmm...now I have a paradox on my hands....and a very complicated situation.

Final note: Why must Jamie always open the door, lean out and say,"Peek-a-boo"? ...Crazy man...

2003-09-20T06:07:00.000+02:00

First note: I do NOT look like Donna from that 70's show. We have the same nose so everyone automatically assumes we have the same face. No.

Second note: Pam you forgot to mention Rammstein as great artists who write their own stuff. SHAME ON YOU! haha

I have Linda Hamilton arms finally! I'm so proud of myself. Now I actually look like I can kill somebody (instead of just being able to without looking it.) Life is good...even if your step-mother does want to kill you.

Soon, my love. I'll be in Berlin.

2003-09-13T06:59:00.000+02:00

I almost forgot...

I am in the best of moods right now. Christian Bale is going to be the new Batman. I'm not happy because I like Batman...frankly I could care less. I just want to see Christian Bale. Mmmness. You know, if his wife ever divorces him I'd be more than happy to be there to pick up the pieces and mend his aching heart. :: innocent smile::

2003-09-13T06:47:00.000+02:00

My hero has passed on. Well....sort of hero. Johnny Cash would have understood me...and he might've been the only one. He would have known that wearing black all the time doesn't mean you're a freak. I, for one, prefer the term "Unique". I rhymed....woo...
Everyone is dying it seems. Most of my immediate family is now gone and things are getting stranger and stranger. But, no matter....I like them the way they are. Thanks to that....I know now where I'm supposed to be in life...and believe me....I'll get there. I don't know how and I don't know when...but I will get there.

2003-08-23T08:16:00.000+02:00

I spent 3 hours tonight changing a toilet seat. Yes ladies and gentlemen....a toilet seat. My father rigged it somehow or someway and it was impossible to remove. Hercules would have even had trouble. But...I prevailed. As always. Although I fear I smell somewhat toilet-scented.

2003-08-22T06:55:00.000+02:00

I used to wonder why I like what I do. Now I don't care. We are who we are because that's what we are, for whatever reason or another. The things I have become obsessed with would scare even the most insane. But do I care? No. I have one chance to live and I'm going to live it as dangerously as possible. Why am I rambling? I don't know. All I know is more and more I find myself missing the past. Something I always swore I would never do. They always say,"There are better things ahead than any you leave behind." If that's so....how come the past always looks so appealing and the future so dismal? There are still questions that go unanswered. Like....why do I love someone only to lose them? Why do I find peace in the dispair? Why am I a nocturnal masochist who loves fire? Why does holding a gun in my hand make me feel happy? The world may never know. All I know is I'm different. I always have been. Sorry....I'm still babbling....but I have messages to give out....

To everyone who used me: Screw you
To everyone who said they loved me and then did me wrong: screw you even more
To Pinky: You deserve the best for supporting my dillusional views of reality
To Lori: Ditto. Remember...."If I go down, I'm taking you with me so I won't be lonely." lol
To people I haven't met: You don't want to know me
To people who love me: You can't handle it and it's too dangerous....don't bother.

What point was there to this blog? None....but I figure I should blog more even if I don't have anything to say. I will say I have 2 good friends that I trust. They have finally earned my trust after knowing them 5+ years. They are the only two. That's all I have to say about that. Now I will leave you with my theme song for the moment....

Look at me, my depth perception must be off again,
Cause this hurts deeper than I thought it did,
It has not healed with time...
It just shot down my spine.
You look so beautiful tonight,
Remind me how you laid us down,
And gently smiled,
Before you destroyed my life...

Would you find it in your heart,
To make this go away,
And let me rest in pieces?
(Let me rest in pieces)
Would you find it in your heart,
To make this go away,
And let me rest in pieces?
(Let me rest in pieces)

Look at me, my depth perception must be off again,
You got much closer than I thought you did,
I'm in your reach,
You held me in your hands...

But could you find it in your heart,
To make this go away,
And let me rest in pieces?
(Let me rest in pieces)
Would you find it in your heart,
To make this go away,
And let me rest in pieces?
(Let me rest in pieces)

Could you find, could you find in your heart?
(Could you find, could you let me rest in pieces)
Could you find, could you find in your heart?
(Could you find, could you let me rest in pieces)

2003-08-14T06:16:00.000+02:00

Time: 4 am
Location: Police Department
Problem: Tiredness intervenes with sanity

Scott: OMG! DEACON FINKEL! ahahaahaaaaa!!!!! Who would name their kid Deacon Finkel?!.....that's some funny shit...I gotta write that down....:: takes out pen and writes name on hand::
Me: What's so funny about it?
Scott: Finkel.....it sounds like fecal.....get it? hahahahaaaaa
Me: ah...right.
Scott: HEY SLINKY! hahaha Slinky's a funny word. anyway...check out this name....DEACON....FINKEL!!!! aaaaaaahahahaha.
Slinky: Yeah...right...that's hilarious Scott.

Scott: Yeah so this guy was talking about the third riech (reesh) earlier....
Me: You mean Third Reich (Reish)?
Scott: No he said Riech
Me: The third smell?
Scott: Oh is that what he was saying? hahahaha I didn't think it sounded right.

Jamie: Yeah I know German. Spriken see doosh?
Me: yyyeah....douchebag....
Jamie: hey cool, is that really a German word?!
Me: .....no.

Scott: I stopped a Spanish guy the other day. He was like,"me no speaka no english." So I said,'Okay then...Apague por favor el coche y tome las llaves de la ignici?n. Despu�s camine del coche y ponga sus manos en la capilla. Usted ir? ahora a encarcelar, y su mama es una vaca gorda grande. Tenga una tarde
agradable." Which is "Please turn off the car and take the keys out of the ignition. Then step out of the car and place your hands on the hood. You will be going to jail now, and your mom is a big fat cow. Have a pleasant evening.

Scott: How do you say 'Stop!' in German?
Me:....stop. (schtopp).
Scott: oh....okay.....well.....how do you say.."stop, I am the police!"
Me: Stop, Ich bin der Polizei.
Scott: Heyy cool.
Me: or just say,'Stop laufenden idioten, oder ich brenne Ihren Kopf weg durch.'
Scott: What's that?
Me: Stop running idiot, or I'll blow your head off.
Scott: :: contemplates for a second:: yeahhh I like that.
Me: Hey you're a sergeant right?
Scott: yeah.
Me: Well then just say,'Ich bin der Wachtmeister.' and they should stop.
Scott: Wachtmeister?
Me: yeah...it means 'police sergeant.'
Scott: Wachtmeister?!
Me: Ja, Wachmeister!
Scott: dude....that sounds like whacked mister. I am NOT saying that.

Scott: I recommend Finding Nemo to anyone who feels like laughing their ass off for an hour and a half.

Drunk guy 1:I stopped in the middle of the street because the clutch is bad.
Scott: The clutch or the brake?
Drunk guy 1: um...both?
Scott: Nice try.
Drunk guy 2: Yeah, and he be all stoppin' and jerkin' in da road cause o' dat clutch too!
Drunk guy 1: SHUTUP FOO'!
Drunk guy 2: No you shutup!
Drunk guy 1: YO MAMA
Drunk guy 2: Oh das it...
Jamie: Hey guys. Why don't you put on this pretty bracelet for me..
Both: Heyyy yeah! bracelets!! What they look like?
Jamie :: handcuffs them:: ..this...

2003-07-09T04:48:00.000+02:00

It's funny......no....it's ironic now that I think about it. Terminator 3. I never thought I would come out of that movie wondering about life...but...I did....and I do. We can't stop the future, but yet we are a part of it. No matter how hard we try we can't change it and everything that happens is shaping us up for that one moment that is ours. I used to wonder why I was born now instead of a thousand years ago....a hundred years ago...or even 50 years ago. Why now? But now I realize....what we don't know.....we don't know for a reason. It's all leading up to a moment when we suddenly get it. If we knew beforehand...we would try unsuccessfully to change it, screwing things up in the process. An enigma if nothing else...

2003-07-04T04:36:00.000+02:00

First of all...let me just say that I totally agree with Pam on the contentness issues of late. If no one has any idea what those are...go read her blog. (By the way Pam you do know what "Voulez vous coucher avec moi, Ce soir?" means right? yeahh you probably do and that's why you put it lol.) So I'm here in Charleston..."enjoying za nice weazah." I had a lot of workshops today, but...I survived. I met Joey(Johnny) and Sissy(Kathy) from Family Affair. They are so nice and Johnny's hilarious. Hmm...what else what else. Oh yes...I seem to unknowingly be attracted to divorced older men. What's WRONG WITH ME?! Okay I'm too tired to type anything else. Wish me luck.

2003-06-29T05:52:00.000+02:00

I was watching this show the other day. Something about the search for America's top model. This girl Elyse...she did everything wrong on her modeling. She slumped, she started with the wrong foot, and she stomped when she walked. But yet....everyone thought she was the greatest thing. I think it was because she learned some French phrases or something. This other girl...she had NO personality whatsoever. She was like,"I'm so excited we're going to France..." but she said it like she was a hypnotized drone. and this one girl Robin...she had a body. And a good one too. and this woman goes,"France has no place for plus size models." She had the freaking body of a goddess...but just because she wasn't a 34 waist size....oh she's not good enough. I swear I hate this industry. Sometimes I would like to hurt them. Okay I'm stepping off my soap box now.

2003-06-28T07:04:00.000+02:00

I had a relatively good birthday today. (The 27th. If you're reading this, you owe me a present. You're late.) I mailed Pam's tickets today so she can go to 104 fest without me :( I wanted to go...but :: sigh::....destiny calls. So I performed for my teacher today and she was so impressed she said I was going into the "Professional" category if she had to defy her boss. I'm so proud. :) That man at IMTA with his stupid low rate sitcom doesn't know what he's talking about.

Oh yes...and I saw Jon today. Miranda was with him. Ohh how I love days like this. She apparently wants to control Jon and she does not like me in the least. Exxxxxcceelllennnttt. So when Jon gave me flowers and a card for my birthday, I made a show of it by giving him a much more than affectionate hug and glaring at her with a death stare. I thoroughly enjoy those moments.

2003-06-03T23:28:00.000+02:00

In Pam's exuberant joy she has apparently forgotten to tell everyone on her blog that I'll be coming to see her for July 4th. Oh, to 104 fest we will go, to 104 fest we will go. High ho the derry-o to 104 fest we will go.

2003-05-25T10:26:00.000+02:00

Take it from me...never eat before you go to sleep. If you do...you will have dreams such as the ones I'm about to inform you of. Enjoy...

---I was the Terminator. All male...Arnold Schwarzenegger. My ears had been pulled off as well as my nose and all that was left was the terminator skull in those areas. I was trying to figure out why I couldn't get my eye scanned so I went to this machine and started typing things into it. I kept telling myself I had to remember what came next because this was an old Terminator movie from 1984. I dunno why...don't ask. Anyway...this long metal rod came out and for identity verification I had to shove it up my nasal cavity and press some trigger thing that released air into my "nose". It really looked like I was snorting cocaine. The wall came open and it gave me what looked like a camera lens. I held it up to my eye and kept looking at it and I could see in the reflection of the lens that my eyes were yellow. I was studying myself like I was some foreign specimen and all of a sudden Lori and Pam came running in and Lori was screaming,"HEATHER! IT'S JUST LIKE IN THE MOVIE! GODZILLA'S HERE!!!! YOU HAVE TO DESTROY HIM!" so in all my muscular man-ness I ran outside and flexed a couple times like I was some chip-n-dale. Pam smacked me in the back of the head, stuck her finger in my metal ear hole and pulled my head up to look at the sky. "Godzilla" was a gigantic purple balloon dragon. Breathing fire that had obviously been added for special effects. I looked at it in disbelief and said,"boy...talk about CHEAP GRAPHICS...'' then...the end.

---I don't think I was a prostitute...but...I could have been. I went to go buy a ticket for the train in NYC and the only clothes I was wearing were a pair of daisy dukes (cut even shorter for added effect) and something on my sides below my arms. Nothing covering necessary places. My hair was bleached blonde and curled like in the 50's and I was wearing bright red lipstick. The guy at the ticket counter was of course staring at me dumbfounded, but I just took my ticket and went on my merry way. When I got to my hotel room, I studied myself in the reflection of the mirror and tried to think of ways to make myself look as slutty as possible without getting arrested.

---Our entire living room was made out of plastic cups. and our backyard was a junk yard. But there was an evil junkyard man we had to escape from. So I would jump in old cars that shouldn't have been able to run and had to use my feet to drive away like I was Fred Flintstone.

---I was at a restaurant that had seats like a school bus. The dixie Chicks were lounging around and I went up to them and exclaimed,"HEY! Do you know Rammstein?!" and Natalie said,"Of course. But they always want us to eat that nasty German food whenever we're around them so we don't see them that much." So we sat down and all of a sudden I was in my mom's car and Jimmy Fallon was in the back seat. I had a baby and it was the ugliest thing I had ever seen. I kept telling everyone it was mine and Buck's baby. (Buck being one of the characters in the Left Behind series. If you ever watched the movie, he was played by Kirk Cameron.) The baby had obviously messed his diaper more than once and I was running around the house trying to find diapers but couldn't find any. I asked my mom where they were and she told me to look in the hall closet. Jimmy said,"Oh he's so cute! (..gag me...) Can I hold him?" So I gratefully gave him to Jimmy thinking maybe he would change him instead of me having to because frankly i don't wanna see his...um....anyway....all of a sudden we were sitting in a run down restaurant and the waiter, who must've weighed 700 lbs, handed me a sheet and asked me to put a check beside the snickers bar. When I asked him why, he screamed,"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, I HAVE TO LOSE MY VIRGINITY!!!!!!!" So I checked it for him and got up and went over to Lori and then looked back at Jimmy and started screaming,"LORI WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE, JIMMY'S A SECRET AGENT!" and Jimmy got up, looking very evil I must say...and we ran out the door and there ended that dream.

Well, I hope you have enjoyed.

2003-05-18T21:45:00.000+02:00

I looked in the mirror and didn't recognize myself. So much anger....so much determination. Where did I get that from? Who knows. All I know is the past was the past and I enjoyed it while I had it, but I don't have it anymore. It's time to move on. If I get it back, great. If I don't....I didn't get it for a reason then. I will dwell on it no more..

2003-05-16T05:40:00.000+02:00

"You never truly know someone until you fight them."

2003-05-09T07:48:00.000+02:00

"Wait a minute! You....you go to my church!!" Her eyes were wide. She was scared...and I knew it. Jon had told me about her and she was aware of it. He had told me too much. I smiled a smile that let her know I would be in control from here on out and try to relieve her of her fears. So she wouldn't think that I was like "them". That pristine innocence that annoyed the rest of the world did not envelop me. So this was Miranda. The "skater chick" who "drinks too much" was the girl who went to my church. Interesting. This was Jon's new interest. Well...for the moment. I saw the look in his eyes and returned his gaze. As if assuring him he would find no other woman like me, but encouraged....almost dared him to try. Go on Jon...run to her. It won't be long before you realize no one can replace me...too bad I won't be there waiting.

2003-05-08T07:12:00.000+02:00

Tee hee

2003-05-08T02:39:00.000+02:00

In the evening sky there was peach. There was blue. There was purple. There was red. There was pink. There was life. And most of all...there was hope.

2003-05-07T05:30:00.000+02:00

"Why was I here?" I wondered as I stared at myself in the mirror and noticed for the first time that black pantyhose make my calves look rediculously huge. "Why would they put gigantic glass mirrors that blow every part of your body way out of proportion?" I also wondered. Then I noticed the calves of the barbie beside me. Her whole entire body was the size of one of my calves. I sighed. Then again hoping someone would save me from this insane world. Alas. I am still here. We watched a video of some of the things they do at MIE and it left me with a very uneasy feeling. Seeing girls so tiny a light breeze would blow them high enough into the air Mary Poppins herself would have been proud (and they don't even need an umbrella) in bathing suits left me with an uneasy feeling. There's no way they would put someone who didn't have the perfect body in a bikini like that and march them down the runway. Finally, after sitting in that freaking chair for 2 hours it was my turn. I walked in and she wanted me to do the runway. She looked at me one time, smiled, and then looked down. She never returned my gaze as I tried to read her. Why wouldn't she look at me? I already knew. "MIE only takes girls that have a waist size of no more than 36." Thanks for telling me that at the beginning.....wench. She tried to make up for it by talking about how beautiful I was and that I had such a "pretty face" I wanted to punch her in hers. That's what they tell fat people and I am by no means fat. "Oh you have such a pretty face." Whatever. Why don't you just kiss my fluffy butt. I saw some of the girls they took. They must have been desperate. They clomped down the runway, fell over, slouched, did everything wrong and still got in. I was perfect and couldn't go because I didn't fit the requirements. Apparently there are no I.Q. requirements. Otherwise no one would be going. I feel sorry for the girls who didn't get in. They were crying, rejected once again and they were trying so hard. They were promised a job...they were told women their size were in demand. But they...like me...were being rejected. I don't have a category. I am neither fat nor tiny. I'm square in the middle. I'm the thinnest "plus-size" person. My hips will never be a 36. God built me wide. So they can deal with it. They only offer false hope. I need it not. I would much rather tote a machine gun and blast out my frustration on cardboard cutouts than clomp down a runway in stiletto's.

2003-05-06T07:48:00.000+02:00

First Barbizon, then Sgt. Joyner...now the phone was ringing again for me. Everyone wanted a piece of me now. I didn't know whether to feel like a escaped con or a proud citizen when "U.S. Government" showed up on the caller I.D. Of course i had to answer it with,"Whatever it is, IMRAN DID IT!" I had to get that out of the way first. But yes...on to the story. Barbizon....the modeling school of modeling schools...they work so hard to train you...to strengthen your will and sharpen your abilities, but the "plus size" must always remain on the outside. It's a thin people's world. We "fat people" simply live in it. They called and wanted to know if I was still going to Audition for MIE (Modeling In Europe) tomorrow. "Of course" I said as sweetly as possible. After all...I am thinner...maybe they'll take me. Maybe I'll go to Europe and accomplish something. Then there's Joyner...

No one ever called Jon back. Maybe he's too stupid? Lovely. I'm too fat and he's too stupid. What is the world coming to? Nevertheless, if they want me to fit into their "stick" mindset, I shall do so. After all, I am highly adaptable. I could be the Twiggy of the military. Take that, Osama! Joyner calls me at least once every two weeks. He tries to do so every week. He wants me to join, he really does. I feel so loved. He called me again today. "Just want to make sure you're still joining and just checking up on you to see how things are going." Of course. He and Sgt. Creagan...two wonderful people. Only in SC would you hear a Sgt. of the United States Army say,"I know you must think I'm drunk, but I'm really not!" Yes, Sgt. Creagan has lost her mind...but...I like it. It makes me feel less....alone. Now I know there are other people in need of padded rooms as well.

The phone rang again. I bent over with a salad on my lap and almost banged my head on the glove compartment 15 million times thanks to the messed up tires my mother has that make sounds like a space ship re-entering the atmosphere on fire. I know one day the airbag is going to explode in my face. "Hello?" "Heather...?" Why must Imran always ask if it's me? I'm the one who sounds like a bird with a collapsed nostril because of my cold. Is it really hard to figure out who it is? "yes Imran...it's me." Did I sound exasperated? Probably. Did I care? No. "Jon's here....should I put you through to him?" My mouth dropped. My mother was going to kill me. I had gone on house-cleaning strike because I was underpaid (or not paid...however you want to take it) and not fully appreciated. Imran had to be joking. There was no way Jon was sitting at my..."Wazzzapp?" ....He was. His unmistakable awful budweiser commercial impersonation rang in my ears and I was speechless. My mom continued to look at me like I'd lost my mind and asked me what was wrong. I finally managed to choke out..."Jon's at the house." She hit the steering wheel in a rage. Then she hit it again. And again. And again. The poor steering wheel....it now has craters instead of just missing paint. We turned in the driveway and I went in. The house looked like a tornado came through and a tsunami came by to finish it off. My mother was not happy. Neither was I. Jon, in his "I'm-going-to-impress-heather" state, told me that he ran all 4 miles to my house. Good going Jon. I'm impressed. Here's your biscuit. Now sit....good doggy. After what seemed an eternity, he said he was going to head back, and wanted to know if I wanted to tag along. "Sureee." After all, I have a cold, why not walk out all the available air in my lungs and maybe that will help. He continued to try and make me jealous halfway there. Then talked about his "manhood" the rest of the way there and informed me of how big it was. No Jon...I have unfortunately had the opportunity to know what the size of you "manhood" is and it's nowhere near what you describe.

He bit me. The idiot actually bit me. I couldn't believe it...but there it was. His teeth marks outlined in my skin with a nice bruised ring in the middle. Oh no. He was not getting away with it. If he was as large as he wished he was...it was nowhere near that size by the time I was done with it. I threw him to the floor, slammed my knee into it and leaned in with my full body weight. In short, I compacted the mug. Men...beware....

2003-05-05T06:16:00.000+02:00

I woke up today and I knew good things were going to happen soon. It's about time...

2003-05-02T08:02:00.000+02:00

It's sad when you dream about reading comments on your blog. Mine were none too appealing to read however. The reoccuring name they all seemed to call me was "faggot". I think I need a life. Actually, I know I do. But I will probably never attain such a thing because in this tiny town that goal is practically unattainable. On another note, my friend Pam...wonderful person. I just read her survey thing she sent back to me. I had no idea she thought of me the way she did. I would give her a hug if I gave hugs. See...I'm becoming a sap already.

Dogs are disgusting animals. They want you to see their prize and rejoice, no matter how wretched. I think Sonne has the ability to find the most decomposed of the dead animal collection and bring them in the house when I'm not looking. Today I was blessed with a rat and a bird. Both of which decomposed so much they looked more like giant sticks that smelled a whole lot worse.

2003-04-30T07:59:00.001+02:00

Once you hide a secret so long....you eventually have no desire to tell it...

2003-04-30T07:59:00.000+02:00

I guess we're all born with a limit. I was foolish enough to believe I was the exception. Call it punishment, call it fate, call it what you will, but today I reached mine. I guess that's the price I have to pay for holding everything inside. It all waits for the perfect moment then hits you all at once. Then you find yourself on the floor crying in the fetal position and wondering what you did to make God hate you so much. It's those random outbursts I guess that help me. One every year and I'm fine, although today's was a little bit more extreme. There's got to be a reason for everything. Even if I never find out what that reason is....i can always try. Just when I thought I had a straight road to travel, I come to a fork. No matter...one must continue on, for that is the price we pay to be one of the living. There's a song that applies to the way I feel that keeps going around and around...over and over...looping through my brain in a never-ending almost punishing cycle. Unfortunately, it's in Japanese...but I will post the translation. "Suteki Da Ne?". "Isn't it wonderful" indeed.

My heart swims
Toward words gathered by the wind
My voiced sprints
To a tomorrow carried by clouds

My heart trembles
In a mirror where the moon sways
My soft tears fall
Along with shooting stars

Wouldn't it be wonderful
If we could walk together hand in hand?
How I wish I could go
To your town, to your home, to your arms

Safe against your chest,
Lost in the early night,
I dream

The wind stops
And your words are a kind illusion
Clouds part
And tomorrow is a distant voice

My heart flows
In a mirror where the moon spreads
Tears I can't conceal fall
While the stars tremble

Wouldn't it be wonderful
If we could walk together hand in hand?
How I wish I could go
To your town, to your home, to your arms

Softly touching your face,
I dream a dream that will melt in the morning

2003-04-22T06:55:00.000+02:00

I used to believe in something. A purpose...a cause...and then I realized the only purpose or cause is the simple truth that there isn't one. We wander about aimlessly hoping for something that gives us a thrill. But, in reality, there is no thrill but the search of the thrill itself. I thought about the past. Why I stopped laughing. Why everyone says I don't smile enough...even though they say that right after calling me the accursed nickname "smiley". Maybe the answer is I missed the past so much I tried to remain in it. While my mind did, the world did not. Now I face a new realization that needs a response and I still don't want to give it one. I know I'm not depressed...so that's not the issue. I'm not crazy...but sometimes I wish I was. The only true way to stay sane is to go insane. The world would do well to remember that.

2003-04-22T06:41:00.000+02:00

I'm changing the format of my blogs to coincide with my continuing obsession of Final Fantasy X. The new format is a narration style of things. So...enjoy my random thoughts of nothingness from here on out...

2003-04-04T12:02:00.000+02:00

In case no one has been listening and I need to say it again...I'm joining the Army. Actually I already have joined but I'm on "delayed training". Which means they're working me to death to lose 40 pounds because they're gay and listed me as 5'6" instead of 5'11" which takes my allowable weight down drastically. I tried to tell them it was obvious I wasn't that short, but nooo. No one listens to me. When I get my uniform and the drill sergeant yells at them because it's 5 inches too short, they'll listen then.
I have too much I want to do and not enough time to do it in. I wanna go to Heidelberg, sing, model, be in the Army, be in the CIA, ::coughmarrychristophcough::, go on tour with Rammstein....I wanna do everything. But with the Army, I'll be in Basic Training (or "the boot camp from hell" as I call it) for 9 weeks, and then stationed in Monterey, California for a year to learn Linguistics (mmm....beach...) and then who knows where I'll be for the next 6-7 years. They'll station me anywhere they want. That means I'll be 25-26 by the time I get out...then I'll go to Heidelberg for another 4 years so I'll be 29-30 by the time I get done with that. Then I have to join the CIA no later than my 36th birthday...so...I could sing for 6 years, but who wants to do that for that short of an amount of time? I don't know, I'll figure out a way to get it all in. I know one thing though....before I die Pam and I have to take over the world. haha.

~~~"Life is not about how many breaths you take, but how many times it takes your breath away."

2003-02-26T06:31:00.000+01:00

I'm wearing Jon's little bracelet thing. Actually it's black and blue stretchy bands. (my favorite colors muahaha) I stole it from him, and he apparently doesn't care. See...he's coo' like that. I got 2 backrubs out of him at least. I think I'll blackmail him for a backrub more often.

I was at a restaurant tonight. The waitress hates me...but I really don't care because I hate her even moreso. I sat there for 15 minutes while she looked at me with the "I hope you die" look and continued to take the orders of other customers who came in, but neglected me. Finally, it came down to me having to leave within 3 minutes, so my Mom came in and I told her to order me something to go and then I left. She called me later telling me what happened, that the manager had fussed at her in front of the whole place, calling me a liar and everything else. Jon wouldn't let me go back there because he said he didn't want to have to go bail me out of jail, but I prevailed. I went up there and told him what I thought of him, his waitress, and his place, and then left determined to get the place shut down. You do not make me mad. That's just all there is to it.

2003-02-21T08:30:00.000+01:00

I decided to catch up on Pam's blog and noticed she had a slogan generator. Well I put my name into the handy-dandy machine and what is the first thing that came up? "Heather really satisfies!" Why is the slogan generator all up in my personal kool-aid?! However, I must say I do agree...lol but anyway...I thought I would add in more for your viewing pleasure.....

I'm not Just the Heather, I'm a Member.

You've Always Got Time For Heather.

My Goodness, My Heather!

Washing Machines Live Longer With Heather. (Note from Editor: This one is probably true because I've never washed a pile of laundry in my entire 18 years of existence)

Heather Not Included. (Editor's Note: Exactly. My services are extra.)

3-in-1 Protection for your Heather. (Another editor's note: Maximum breakage protection)

An Army of Heather. (Yet another editor's note: Yes, with the slacking economy, the government decided to send over 59,293,238,928,281,610 flowers of Heather to oust Saddam Houssain)

Probably The Best Heather In The World. (Editor's note yet again: Dang skippy)

Things Go Better with Heather. (Another editor's note: ditto)

Splash Heather All Over. (No comment)

Your Flexible Heather.

Do The Heather. (Editor's note: LMAOOOOO)

Top Breeders Recommend Heather. (Editor's note number 29385723985732: Woof)

Taste the Heather.

Got a Heather? You're in Luck.

Exceedingly Good Heather.

There's no Wrong Way to Eat a Heather. (No comment on this one either)

The Biggest Heather Pennies Can Buy. (Editor's note: I think it just called me cheap and fat)

Heather Prevents That Sinking Feeling. (all you have to do is lighten the load from the wallet to solve the problem)

Australians Wouldn't Give A Heather For Anything Else. (Editor's note again: I just had to include this one...because.......australians.....mmmmmmm)

Ho Ho Ho, Green Heather. (WHO'S IT CALLIN' A HO?!)

(Editor's note: More will come later)

2003-02-17T04:13:00.000+01:00

Ah....my not so triumphant return to the blog world. What is there to say? Well....first of all.....let me start up controversy by saying why I think we should go to war....
Questionnaire's are designed to confuse. To portray things....sometimes as a reality, sometimes as factoids based upon popular opinion or news clippings taped to the bathroom wall and pooled over for amusement. My friend Pam recently sent me one of these things. It, of course, was designed to make you scream,"PEACE! BE STILL!" rendering our wonderful President helpless to deny us the right of peace. Don't get me wrong....peace is great. I'm not dissing it. But let us dwell on these factoids...1. We do not know everything the President knows. They hide it from us purposely. They have stopped over 100 terror attacks since September 11th and did the American public know about them? No, I don't think so. But of course Bush only gets the goring and not the glory. If Bush says,"We need to go to war." Then more than likely he has a valid reason for stating that and we would be so scared of his reason we would wet ourselves. And don't give me any of that "He just wants the oil" crap. If we want oil, we'll drill Alaska or we'll get it from somewhere else. Bush has a reason for doing what he does and who cares what France thinks about it? If we don't stop him, it will be like Hitler in WWII. He will dominate one country, then start extending his borders and you know what the rest of the world will say about it? "Why didn't America do something?" And you know why they'll say that? Because they always do. We go in and settle a problem and the world says,"Why does America meddle in affairs that are not their own?" We don't go in and settle a problem and the world says,"Why didn't America do something?" So either way we are going to be the bull's eye of the world. Who cares? I don't.
Now that I've said that...let us move on. I do apologize for not blessing you with my random blogging, but I've been detained with my best friend Jon. Being that I do have a lovely fetish for Germans, it's only fitting that I hang out with him......a lot......:) We're going next weekend to get a tattoo. Just so you know. It's freezing outside with snow and ice on the ground so my thoughts are not connecting. Therefore this random blog is done. Goodnight.

2003-01-18T05:31:00.000+01:00

Most of everything that's happened I have unfortunately forgotten to bless you with knowing about it. I do remember one thing though. My Dad almost shot a burglar. It was quite amusing and I thoroughly enjoyed it. As far as tonight goes, I got a new dress for my modeling graduation. It's two-color red and black. muahahaha. I walked around for hours in 3 inch high heels. Finally I hurt so bad that while we were walking in the parking lot (need I also add it was 17 degrees outside and snow is still blessing us with its presence), I finally just took my shoes off and ran barefoot through the snow covered parking lot singing,"BOOOOOOOORNNNNN FREEEEEEEEE!!!!!! FREEEEEEEE AS THE WIIIIIIIIIIND BLOWS!!!" I amused myself....but it doesn't take much to do that....

2003-01-05T05:20:00.000+01:00

Why have I never noticed the beauty of winter? As I stood outside looking out over the pond and viewing the sunset with Christoph's song for me blaring into my ears, I wondered why I have never noticed the beauty of winter before. Maybe it was the hauntingly gorgeousness of his voice...or the song itself. Maybe it was the sunset that could have never been painted. No picture would have done it justice. Who knows....for whatever reason, be it unknown, I now have a new appreciation for Winter. On an unrelated note: I wish I lived in The Lord of the Rings. I would take Legolas downnnnnnnn rarrrrr. And on another unrelated note: My dog's butt looks like a bull's-eye.

2003-01-03T06:53:00.000+01:00

Most interesting thing that happened today: (and the only thing that happened today) My dog caught my underwear on fire. Unfortunately not the pair still residing beside the steps. But it's okay now because he's peed at the bottom of the steps so many times no one will approach them. Problem solved. Why quit being lazy when you can just have your dog pee in front of it so no one will notice? He also peed on my computer wires today...badddddddd dog. Or as I call him when he destroys everything...Bad Hitler, bad! Moving on...

My aunt is so bad now she really doesn't know what she's saying. My mom and I asked her if she wanted to be moved back against the pillow and we thought she said,"No" but mom asked her again to make sure and she responded with,"yes, come on, we're women we can do it." So we pulled her back and then she started looking around and said,"....where are my dang tissues?'' and just then her husband came in and made some long speech about how he was taking care of her and blah blah blah and she said,"......well you're not doing a very good job...." Now, granted, all this would have probably been much funnier if you could have heard her say it.

We didn't have a New Year's or a Christmas. How lovely. I hold out so much hope for 2003. NOT.

~~~~"You are the ringbearer. To have the ring is to be alone."

2002-12-26T05:55:00.000+01:00

We really didn't have Christmas this year. I did get that German diplomat training thing I wanted, but with my aunt dying,
it's kind of hard to celebrate. I must still order my one ring though, muahaha.

2002-12-21T06:31:00.000+01:00

I have a secret no one knows
I hide it well, but sometimes it shows
A living lie, a powerful fear
Every truth is forgotten here
Worlds are created where none should have been
The truth comes out, but is buried again
Under more and more lies that breed from pain
A promise forgotten, lost in the flame
I have failed you where I swore I would not
Left you alone and left memories to rot
For a precious second I admit the truth
Writing it down so it is safe from you
So close are the words upon my lips
But instead I write them from my fingertips
Then I throw the words into the fire
Burning with my own foolish desire
To live a life that is not my own
But I must go on so no one knows

2002-12-19T05:08:00.000+01:00

The guys at the Police Station are crazy. When they get together they can never be serious. I was looking through the books where they list what calls they've had during a shift and someone listed a woman as "Psycho chick". There were "job ads" listed for drunk/drug junkies such as "Lil' Daddy is available to speak in schools to tell children about drugs. He requires payment in Crank or equivilent." Someone had also marked "Anthrax" on the sugar container and drawn on the people on the FBI Most wanted list.

Then again, some people are just as stupid. The Medicine Shoppe was broken into the other day. The robber broke the window pane and simply unlocked the door and walked in. The owner walked toward the door with a cardboard box lid and some scotch tape. The detective asked him what he was doing and the owner replied,"oh, I'm securing the door." Yeah, real secure. He finally settled on the cardboard box top and duct tape. People in this town impress me to a degree of stupidity I have never experienced before.

2002-12-11T05:51:00.000+01:00

A friend from our church came a few days ago. Unfortunately there my underwear still lay. Yes, quite embarrassing because it still lays there. I have a puppy now who likes to urinate all over the floor whenever possible. I am not amused. He found my underwear laying beside the steps the other day. Then he proceeded to pick it up, flinging it around wildly for all the world to see. I tried to chase him, but to no avail. As of yet, I have no clue where my underwear is. He also stole my bra this morning, put it on his head, and dashed off into the yard in front of everyone. I was once again not amused. I feel like I have post-natal depression. Yes, life sucks.

2002-12-04T09:03:00.000+01:00

It is many, many days later. I have come to yet another realization: A man from our church has stopped by the house with his fairly attractive son and there, beside the steps, sits my pair of underwear. Unmoved. I live a sad life indeed if I cannot get up off my lazy butt and remove that underwear to save myself further embarrassment. Yes, I am lazy indeed.

I went to Barbizon Sunday. Quite fun I must say. I will never get why guys flirt with you in hopes of "scoring" when it's obvious they excel in pouring comments on thick like concrete but lack the substances necessary to make it solid. No, no they are devious yet stupid. The more I resist, the more they follow. When will they learn I may be a model, but that does not make me dim-witted and brainless. Yes, young patowan, you still have much to learn. And since when do you kiss somebody by making your lips shrink as if you've just won a chugging contest with lemon juice?

I have nothing else to say for once. I was thinking the other night....you know...I'm doing pretty well for myself and I'm a great person. Oh no...no self-esteem problems here :) And on an unrelated note: I'M GETTING A GERMAN SHEPHERD PUPPY! Christoph would be proud muahaha.

2002-11-28T11:01:00.000+01:00

At this moment in time at 4:40 A.M. I am currently pondering 3 things.

1.) Why I have not noticed a pair of my underwear laying beside the front steps? Judging from the cobwebs it has been there for quite some time. Coming up the steps this morning something just happened to catch my eye. What could it be, you ponder? Why nothing but a pair of my underwear broadcasting itself for all the world to see. Many people had been by our house by this point so there's no telling how many people came by and saw that and thought we lived like bottom dwellers. How most unfortunate for me. At of yet, I have not moved my ego deflating embarrassment (a.k.a underwear) I guess I shall have to attend to such duties before I go to bed and someone (else) important comes by and notices.

2.) Why is it that you feel most at peace in the early morning hours in the frigid temperatures freezing your butt off because you didn't put on enough layers? The world may never know...

3.) Why is my ice cream melting all over my keyboard? Biting into it is like biting into a telephone pole it's so frozen, but yet....here it melts to take sticky prints off my fingers when I type. I must eat it to solve this problem....

Have you ever noticed how children talk to themselves? They would not make good mayors and I have a reason behind such a statement. While driving to Spartanburg, Brent amused himself by playing "Sims City 3000" on my laptop. I would hear him occassionally read out what the Sims were saying, and then if a comment made him mad enough, he would either put a disaster on them or raise taxes. Within 5 minutes the city was practically leveled and taxes were up to 22%. I will now recreate the timespan he spent talking with himself.....

"Woahhhhhhhh Heather check out this city! It has 2 million people in it! What? I'm spending $350,000 a month on them? Oh no.....some of this stuff has to go. ::proceeds to uncheck neccessary things. Water/waste/etc.:: Let's see....homeless shelters....they cost too much....out they go. What? My Sims are protesting! Wellll....it's time for a....::evil grin:: NATURAL DISASTER!!! ::makes tornado noises as the tornado demolishes the city then laughs hysterically:: HEATHER LOOK AT THEM RUN! LOOK! AHAHAHAHAHAH! Ok time for an earthquake!" at which point I reply,"It's a good thing you're not God." He started to say something but then said,"HEY LOOK! THE MOTHERSHIP! It's attacking the city how cool is that?!" Then he set a nuclear power plant between the famous land marks (of course the mothership hit the power plants and that blew everything within a 25 mile radius up) What was left he set on fire. Then what few Sims were left started a riot and started throwing trashcans and debris. Yes....such a lovely world they live in.

Whatever else I was going to say....I forgot....

2002-11-24T06:43:00.000+01:00

I saw the bootleg version of "8 Mile" tonight. While the audio (the bootleg's fault) and the meaning
(The writer's fault) were hard to make out, I sat through it anyway wishing it was over. Don't get me wrong,
I do agree with Pam in the fact that Marshall is a good actor. But as far as the movie goes, I wasn't really
that impressed. Let me tell you why.

1.) I don't enjoy sex scenes. I would rather not waste time watching two people do each other. And no,
don't come back at me with some crack-headed comment like,"oh, Heather, it's art." It's not art, it's sex.
If it was art there would be "Da Vinci" stamped on someone's butt or something. I think people's bodies
need to be kept to themselves and their significant other, not to the whole world. And the scene can pretty
much go unnoticed if it's quick and over witih. But on and on and on these two people went at it. They're
screwing like dogs in heat, I GET IT ALREADY! Where did it fit with the plot?

2.) Not that much more had been achieved at the end than in the beginning. Okay, the man won the contest.
That's great. Kudos to him. I'm glad he finally got the nerve up and didn't get "choked". But he was still no
further along. He still lived in a trailor, still worked his butt off, still had no dreams materialize, etc etc. The
only thing accomplished was him getting over his stage fright and winning a contest that he even said he
didn't care about winning anyway.

and I don't really enjoy movies with trailor trash people in them. At least not if they stay that way through
the whole movie. Not to say that he was trailor trash...his mother was. And she was a dead-beat no count
mother and the only way she tried to fix it was to win bingo. Yes, that changes everything....not...

2002-11-23T08:32:00.000+01:00

Nothing aggravates me more than people honking the horn. I don't understand why it was even
invented. Yesterday I was walking downtown Atlanta to eat dinner with my cousin and her husband (
who are in the CIA might I add.) and every single person on the freaking road was honking the horn.
There was apparently no reason for the loud obnoxious hand slap against the rubber that makes that
noise...so eventually I became so frustrated I screamed,"SHUTUP!!!!!!!!!!" as loud as I could to at
least 750 people. Everyone stopped. Then they began randomly honking the horn at poor little me
standing infuriated on the sidewalk. I informed them that they should read between the lines and left
it at that.

My uncle is a funny guy. I never really knew that. He came back to America to be with my aunt and it
was supposed to be a surprise. Of course my great-aunt told her (as usual) and he starting railing to
whoever would hear. He said (in an extremely thick British accent),"I would like to inquire why she told
Angela about me being here and I would love to see her go dry for excuses while I railed at her in my
sexy attractive English accent!" Then we got to talking about careers and being positive and modeling
and so forth and so on. Mom told him she thought he should be a model. To which I quipped,"Oh
yeah. A Calvin Klein underwear model!" and he said,"oh my God no....I'm way too sexy to graze the
cover of a magazine. Why think of all the accidents it would cause!" ...no comment and moving on.
He's also very blunt too. I mentioned to him that I needed to shave and he said,"Ah, growing well then
are we? Or just trying to see if the 'goat look' is fashionable?" I would laugh if that were funny.

On another note, my best friend Lori and I have decided to take it upon ourselves to become fluent
in German. Once that language has been attained into our simple, yet extremely brilliant minds we will
continue on to the University of Heidelberg in...where else...Germany. There we will become better
than all of you. Guten tag.

PS Last and official name change: Nele Renatae Ulrich

2002-11-21T06:30:00.000+01:00

I'm here in Atlanta. My aunt is dying of cancer and only has a few days left. I broke
my glasses. I broke my brand new contact. I am not happy.

I didn't know what hospital they took my aunt to, then I found out she was at Emory.
I went to Emory hospital only to find out that there were two Emory hospitals and the
one I was at was not the one she was at. I had to walk up two flights of the parking
garage, walk to the other side of the building, go up an elevator, walk down another
walkway to find this out. Then I had to run to make it on time because it costs if you
are in the parking lot for more than 15 minutes. Lucky me. It was pretty much the
same thing at the other hospital. But I did find something interesting. People in
Atlanta can't give directions for crap! I got lost more times than I knew was possible.
At the hospital we found out the news on my aunt. My uncle is still in a state of "If I
believe it will happen, it will happen" and is therefore refusing to accepted the fact
she has a limited time left. She was hallucinating and talking about a big pipe that
said,"big wompum" on it.

On my frustrating voyage of being lost, I came to stop light that refused to change.
I became so mad I started honking at the light knowing it wouldn't hear me but doing
it anyway. I felt better temporarily.

Someone who thinks I'm her friend calls wanted me to take her somewhere. I told
her earlier that I was in Atlanta and reminded her again of where I was. She then
proceeded to ask me how long it would take me to get back home. Ah...stupidity is
such a hard disease to cure.

On an unrelated note: my blog is screwed up and I am not happy.

2002-11-19T04:59:00.000+01:00

Along with Wal-Mart, I also hate the system. Yes that law-making system that has nothing better to
do. "I just want you to be safe." the pug-looking policeman said to me. I was the only car around
for miles. Okay, MILES. I could have slammed straight through the concrete median and still not hit
anyone. I went to court today. He cut it down to 2 points and $52. I appreciate that but I would
rather him just take it all off! RARRRR!!! You know if I was a bad person I would have any job I
wanted, and come out virtually unscathed in anything.

Deep thinking has the ability to hurt one's brain. It would be much easier if I had no brain and no
heart. Much like the tin man. My new ambition in life: to become the tin man. Sometimes life is
great. Sometimes all of a sudden you feel like you been body-slammed to the ground and a big fat
man is sitting on you prohibiting your breathing and movement (or lack thereof). But, we move on
because we must. We stumble and struggle trying to make sense of it all, but I wonder....is it ever
supposed to make sense? Possibly not. Nothing happens for free and nothing comes without
determination. This is life...it comes to you and says,"ich hab euch etwas mitgebracht, hab es aus
meiner Brust gerissen." But do not be fooled. It lies to you and has brought you nothing.

PS Semper Fi, mein liebe, Semper Fi